In late 2005, Chris White embarked upon a hideous new endeavor. As if simply sucking at stand-up weren't enough, he decided to try sucking at sketch comedy as well. In recent months, he has been creating both short videos and MP3 clips of original comedy.

We've wrestled mightily over whether to provide these clips to the general public. Ultimately we have decided that the world MUST KNOW about these atrocities. If these awful, awful A/V clips can't convince the world that Chris White sucks, then almost nothing will.

Fun Science Facts -- Animals
In this new radio show, Chris answers kids' questions about science in a "fun" way. Episode One features four questions about animals, from the stupid dolphin to the mighty unicorn. The clip is in MP3 format, runs about 9 minutes and is 8.5 MB. Fun Science Facts 1

Fun Science Facts -- Space
In installment two of this internationally popular program, Chris tackles kids' questions on space, from planets to aliens to spacewalks. 6 minutes 30 seconds, MP3 format, 6.3 MB. Posted March 16, 2006. Fun Science Facts 2

Fun Science Facts -- Time
The secrets of the universe ... laid bare for children! The clip is in MP3 format and runs 5 minutes 30 seconds. Posted January 2, 2007. Fun Science Facts 3

Modest Proposal: Wages
Attempts to raise the minimum wage are an insult. AN INSULT! 4 minutes, 45 seconds MP3 format, 4.6 MB. Posted January 12, 2007. Modest Proposal: Wages

Modest Proposal: North Korea
An audio version of the video clip. Simple suggestions for world peace and an end to North Korea's nuclear threat. 4 minutes, MP3 format, 4 MB. Posted October 5, 2006. Modest Proposal: North Korea

Modest Proposal: Oil
Gas prices are through the roof, so we need forward-thinking geniuses to find some solutions. VERY forward thinking, in this case. 4 minutes, MP3 format, 3.7 MB. Posted May 9, 2006. A Modest Proposal: Oil

Modest Proposal: Border Security
This is a slightly expanded MP3 version of the video clip of same name. For people who really need to hear more urgent fake anger in a man's voice. 4 minutes 30 seconds, MP3 format, 4.3 MB. Posted April 4, 2006. A Modest Proposal: Border Security

Jazz Stories: Mamie Dupree
Step into the world of America's greatest artform, jazz. Vocalist Mamie Dupree talks about the joy music has brought to her life. 6 minutes 40 seconds, MP3 format, 6.5 MB. Posted August 3, 2006. Jazz Stories: Mamie Dupree

Jazz Stories: Drumstick Jones
Step into the world of America's greatest artform, jazz. This new series provides exciting stories from the musicians themselves, as they speak about their art, and also getting high. This first episode profiles legendary trumpet player Drumstick Jones. 6 minutes, MP3 format, 5.6 MB. Posted January 7, 2006. Jazz Stories: Drumstick Jones

Office Companion for Women
This is an exciting new product offered as part of the Chris White line ... there's ALWAYS someone ready to listen to your problems! 4 minutes 45 seconds, MP3 format, 4.5 MB. Posted October 6, 2006. Office Companion

Star of the Game
Post-game scores and highlights, plus an interview with the star of today's minor-league action: rookie shortstop Manny Lewis! 5 minutes 40 seconds, MP3 format, 5.4 MB. Posted September 27, 2006. Star of the Game

Baseball Fever
Stand-up on Little League and foul balls, performed at the DC Improv on June 25, 2006. This clip is recorded, mixed and mastered by Joel Haas (radiocomic@hotmail.com). 3 minutes 30 seconds, MP3 format, 3.4 MB. Posted July 25, 2006. Baseball Fever

Body Piercing
Stand-up on hot dogs, piercings and tattoos, performed at the DC Improv on June 25, 2006. This clip is recorded, mixed and mastered by Joel Haas (radiocomic@hotmail.com). 3 minutes, MP3 format, 3 MB. Posted July 24, 2006. Body Piercing

Job Interview Tips
Simple, effective advice for those looking to land the job of their dreams. 4 minutes, MP3 format, 4 MB. Posted July 11, 2006. Job Interview Tips

Head and Shoulders
Sooner or later, we all must look within and decide if we want the last donut. It's not usually THIS complicated, though. With SUPER STEREO EFFECTS! 4 minutes, MP3 format, 4 MB. Posted May 25, 2006. Head and Shoulders

A Few Words
Unsolicited, uncompensated remarks about some fine products that Chris White has enjoyed using in the past and will enjoy using in the future. Under 4 minutes, MP3 format, 3.5 MB. Posted February 22, 2006. A Few Words

BFF: John Garrett
Chris sits down with good buddy and fellow comedian John Garrett. He's the new Barbara Walters. Chris, that is. Not John. John is the new Geraldo. 4 minutes, MP3 format, 4.0 MB. Posted February 4, 2006. BFF: John Garrett

Labors Listed, Vol. 1
Why rely on life experience to teach you about love, when you could just peruse the online personals at Craig's List? 4 minutes, MP3 format, 3.8 MB. Posted January 25, 2006. Love's Labors Listed, Vol. 1

The Music Lesson
Listen in as a young trombone student learns important lessons about technique, and life and love, and the forces of good and evil. 8 minutes, MP3 format, 7.5 MB. Posted January 18, 2006. The Music Lesson

The Princess and the Pea
A retelling of the classic fairytale, updated slightly for modern times and chock full of the morals our children need. Featuring Katie Richardson as the voice of the princess. 5 minutes, MP3 format, 5.3 MB. Posted January 11, 2006. The Princess and the Pea

Why Chris Sucks: His mother always wanted a girl, but he insisted on being a boy. What a phallocentric jerk.