Whatever

For reasons not entirely clear to me, the last three Sundays I have watched "Tool Academy" and "Rock of Love: Bus." In most circumstances, this would be deeply shameful, but "Rock of Love: Bus" has maybe the most inspiring personality in television history. Her name is Ashley. She looks like Paris Hilton with breast implants and hair extensions, she's a raging alcoholic, and she talks like a valley girl with none of the pleasant ditzy qualities. Also, she might be pure evil.

I say "might," because it's possible that she realizes saying horrible things greatly increases her chances of getting her own VH1 show after "Rock of Love: Bus" ends. The highlight thus far: a girl falls off a four foot stage, possibly crippling herself. Ashley's (paraphrased) comment: "If you're gonna date Brett Michaels, you have to deal with falling off a stage, bitch." Apparently, this happens all the time if you date rock stars. They throw you off the stage for spite.

If Ashley does get her own show, I would like to to be in the "Best Week Ever" format, only Ashley comments on history's greatest atrocities. As in, "If you're gonna be a poor Chinese person in Nanking, you have to deal with getting raped and mutilated by the Japanese army, bitch."

Someone, anyone -- make this happen. Please.

Tags: TV