Happy May Day, comrades! Go out there and fill a quota on behalf of communists everywhere.
Specifically, try to find at least five slovenly capitalists wallowing around a Maypole and strangle them with the chains of oppression.
Stadium Review: Nationals Park
I got my first look at the inside of Nationals Park on Tuesday. It's a little bit nicer than RFK, in the same way that kissing a beautiful woman is a little bit nicer than getting hit repeatedly in the face with a millstone.
Location: C plus. It's right on Metro, and since Nats fans aren't in plentiful supply, the parking issues don't seem to be that big of a deal. There's not really a Washington skyline, so it's not like the views will be that much better from anywhere else in the city. The only downer right now is the surrounding neighborhood. There are hardly any bars or restaurants in the 'hood, so there's not too much of a "game day" or social atmosphere if you're hanging around outside. They're working on this, but the "if you build it they will come" theory hasn't always worked in other cities. If they turn that part of the city around a bit, this could jump up to an A.
Food: B. I didn't eat much but they seem to have a good variety, including at least one D.C. institution (Ben's Chili Bowl). It's all hideously overpriced, but they're also sort of liberal about you bringing food in. So huzzah.
History: D. This isn't really the fault of the Nationals, since they have no history. There are some wall displays on the history of baseball in Washington, and some paintings on the concourse of several famous Hall of Famers. I guess you could put a giant statue of Ryan Church behind the center field wall, but since he now plays for the Mets, that could get awkward when they come to town.
Seating: B. No truly bad views in the house. The stadium is very vertical, if that makes sense -- there are 40,000 plus seats but they're stacked upward, not outward. You can see the field from almost any point on the concourse. The center field seats (where I was) have the same problem as RFK -- anything to the deep outfield (i.e. the most exciting plays), and the stands themselves cut off your view. The rows are too narrow for people over six feet tall to sit comfortably, but that's the case with almost any arena anywhere.
Scoreboard: ?. Supposedly great. I was sitting in front of it, though, so I can't say that I looked at it more than once.
Fans: C. There are people who really work at loving the Nats, and good for them. But attendance (listed at 25,000) had to have been under 20,000, in the first month of a NEW STADIUM. I know they had a rough month, and I know it's a school night, but COME ON.
Intangibles: C. The Mount Rushmore president-mascots are still great; Screech is still awful. In game presentation is just average, since they don't really do too much to get the crowd amped outside of the usual.
Overall: They're hamstrung by a complete lack of team history, and they're still working on becoming a beloved D.C. sports institution. So right now, the park is beautiful and new, but a bit antisceptic. It has all the amenities of a new park, but it stays away from the throwback look that was all the rage; I like the modern feel, but maybe there's too much concrete (if that makes sense). I don't know that anyone's done Greek revival for a baseball stadium since The Palace of the Fans, but if you were going to give it a try, D.C. would have been the place. Still, it's a perfectly fine place to see a game, it's a billion times nicer than RFK and you gotta figure the stadium experience will get upgraded as the years go by and the fanbase (hopefully) improves. B minus.
Here's some exciting news: The DC Improv is letting me host a one-hour bar trivia contest before one of my upcoming shows there. Why me? Because I was on the 1994 Penncrest High School Championship Quiz Bowl Team! And also, because I begged. Here's how it works:
2) Get to the DC Improv Lounge between 6:30 and 7 to sign up for trivia. The Lounge seats 55 people, and it's first-come, first served.
3) Play an awesome trivia game from 7 to 8. In addition to the standard bar trivia format, we're probably going to use the AV gear in the lounge, and there might even be some live comedy. It'll be cool. The winning team gets free tickets to the next Improv show with a trivia night, so they can come back and defend their title.
4) Go enjoy the show! Don't worry -- everyone who plays trivia gets reserved seating in the main showroom, so you don't have to worry about having a good spot.
Get your tickets today -- and don't sweat it, I'll have some reminders in the weeks ahead.
Tony Stark is a multi-billionaire genius who can build anything; he drinks hard booze, boinks beautiful women all the time and is totally enabled in this lifestyle by a nonjudgmental, smoking hot secretary that runs all of his errands. Oh, and he blows stuff up for his day job. And he has a talking computer. And he can fly.
It would be very hard not to like a movie about Tony Stark, and I am not up to the task. Go see it. It's good.
The Gray and the Gray
My favorite older brother Dave came to town to see his Pittsburgh Pirates (they have to be somebody's team) play the Nationals, so for the second time in a week I got to experience Nationals Park. There was a slight difference between the games, since one was a night game with temperatures in the 40s, and the other was a day game with blue skies and the thermometer getting up to about 80. There were a few other improvements, too:
Salute to the Negro Leagues. Both teams wore throwback jerseys honoring the Negro League team from their city. In the case of Pittsburgh, that's the Homestead Grays; in the case of the Nationals, that's ... uh, the Homestead Grays, who were the Puerto Rico Expos of their day and played some home games in DC (where they outdrew the Senators). The Grays won, 9-8. There were neat scoreboard videos about Negro League greats, and some players were there signing autographs, including Mamie "Peanut" Johnson, a woman who pitched for the Indianapolis Clowns in the 1950s. She runs a memorabilia shop in PG County now. Huh. It's unfortunate that there were so few black players in the actual game, but blackface isn't an option, so what can you do.
The Best Rushmore Race I've Seen. It starts with the usual video package, only Teddy powders out to stop at a street vendor for ... "something," as the PA announcer says. When the other three presidents come through the centerfield gate, Teddy isn't with them. Then, out of nowhere ... IT'S THE PITTSBURGH PIEROGIES! MY GOD! MY GOD! All four of the racing pierogi go speeding after the presidents, and after another second, it's clear why ... because Teddy appears carrying a giant fork, chasing after them. Awesome. He even gave a pierogi a good-natured stabbing when he caught them at the finish line. I love it when a plan comes together.
Also, before the game, we saw Abe Lincoln up close. He flashed gang signs while posing for one photo, and also, he wears batting gloves. Much like the Civil War, that guy is in it to win in.
The "W" pretzel. You can buy pretzels in the shape of the Nats' script "W" logo. I did. It was a good pretzel.
The big downside: the stadium was just about full, it was a beautiful day and the game featured something like 30 hits total. Total number of "Let's Go Nats" cheers: zero. Total number of "charge" cheers: zero. DC crowds are still mostly just people who happen to be going to baseball games. Hopefully they will turn into actual fans.
Also a downside: Xavier Nady getting hit in the head with a pitch. You might enjoy seeing people getting hit in the head with pitches, but what about PTSD flashbacks for kids who were once hit in the head with a pitch, setting off a crippling fear of baseballs that prevented them from being the World Series MVP of the 2008 Philadelphia Phillies championship squad? HUH?
Apologies for the lack of updates -- I was traveling. And I'm lazy. It's a winning combination!
IMA gonna git you sucka
Fate, with the aid of a Volkswagen Jetta, has brought me back to Indianapolis. I like it here, but me and this city at the point where we've seen all we want to see of each other. Mostly now we just eat dinner in silence and hope the kids will visit to break up the monotony.
But there's still some life left in this relationship! I went back to the Indianapolis Museum of Art for the third time today. If you get the chance, go. It has a nice overview of American/European art, some good local-focus stuff, a neat contemporary gallery with a few installation pieces ... and the building itself is really cool looking. Plus there's a flower/sculpture garden for nicer days, and they cram all of the Asian and African art onto the same floor so it's really easy to skip.
Plus it's free. What more could you want?
Some highlights:
A neat neo-Impressionist gallery. That's the fancy term for dot painting. I've seen a lot of this in museums before, but never 12 pieces all together in one room. These guys are cooler than the regular impressionists, who I suspect were really just a bunch of lazy drunks with no eye for detail. Plus, adding "neo" to anything makes it sound cooler, with the possible exception of "Nazi."
Another James Turrell installation. I saw this guy's stuff at the Mattress Factory last month. The one at IMA is a low-lit room, and when you walk in, you think you can see a large, solid, dark canvass hanging on the wall. If you wait a few minutes, it becomes clear that it's actually an opening to another room painted in that color -- the third dimension slowly asserts itself if you're patient. I would want one of these in my house, but over time, I would almost definitely start using the painting/room for storage, and the illusion might be ruined if visitors can see right off the bat a large box labeled "ACTION FIGURES DO NOT TOUCH."
Bill Viola's "Quintet of the Silent." Five guys on a plasma TV. They were filmed changing emotions and facial expressions for a minute. The video has been slowed down, and low plays on a 15-minute loop. So you hardly see them moving unless you sit and watch. I don't necessarily get it, but it's cool.
"Floor" by Do-Ho Suh. The floor is made of clear plastic panels. You can walk on it. It appears to be held up by thousands and thousands of tiny plastic figurines, and their flattened palms are pressed against the glass as you look down. This is cool because it could be either really a) Asian or b) Stalinist. Or both! I would like to go to a North Korean art museum some day, assuming they have any that aren't for the exclusive personal use of the glorious leader, because sometimes it's refreshing when propaganda smashes you over the head repeatedly with a tree trunk. Enough of the subtle science of public relations, America! TELL ME WHO TO WORSHIP! Unless the answer is Barack Obama. I'm tired of that guy.
J.J. Johnson
When I went to Crown Hill Cemetery in late March, it was basically to see Benjamin Harrison. When I got back to D.C., I did some research and discovered that I had been with 100 yards of one of my favorite musicians.
J.J. Johnson was one of the best, if not THE best, trombone players to ever pick up a horn. There are recordings where it's not entirely clear how what he's doing is physically possible. He had a beautiful sound and could play across the entire spectrum of jazz (he's considered a pioneer of bebop, a form which isn't really designed with the trombone in mind); he worked with some of the best musicians in the world and even managed to break out and lead his own groups -- something not many trombonists have done. He was a great composer, too.
He was from Indianapolis. He died in 2001, shooting himself. (His health was failing.) He's in Crown Hill's mausoleum, next to his wife, Vivian.
I've been busy working on the trivia night coming up next week at the DC Improv Lounge (Wednesday, May 21). It's gonna be solid. We've got one round of wild card questions, one round of video-based questions, and a special finale round inspired by your headliner for the evening, Mr. Bob Marley. If you're planning on coming, be sure to get there around 6:30 -- I'm not sure what the turnout will be, but if it ends up being busy, the Lounge only holds 55. So get there early and have a drink. Booze never hurt anyone's trivia abilities, ever. A reminder of how it all works:
2) Get to the DC Improv Lounge between 6:30 and 7 to sign up for trivia. The Lounge seats 55 people, and it's first-come, first served.
3) Play an awesome trivia game from 7 to 8. In addition to the standard bar trivia format, we're going to use the AV gear in the lounge, and there might even be some live comedy. It'll be cool. The winning team gets free tickets to the next Improv show with a trivia night, so they can come back and defend their title.
4) Go enjoy the show! Don't worry -- everyone who plays trivia gets reserved seating in the main showroom, so you don't have to worry about having a good spot.
Karaoke Gantlet Fest Challenge 2008: The Quickening
In a shocking turn of events, the karaoke sing-off between myself and Allyson is now HALF OVER, with the stunning discovery that there's Sunday karaoke night at a bar three blocks from my house. Honestly, we went in for happy hour margaritas and came out covered in the karaoke equivalent of blood and ichor. Fortunately it was raining biblical amounts, so we rinsed off pretty quickly.
The rain also kept away the faint of heart, so we more or less owned the night. The results:
I went to Banana Cafe's Upstairs Bar with my roommate and some of his college buddies in search of cheap drinks. We stumbled on a karaoke night with only about four people in attendance (courtesy of the weather). But the hostess is great, the song selection is phenomenal and, at least on Sunday, the wait was non-existant. After warming up with "Have You Seen Her" by the Chi-Lites, I waited for Allyson (unaware that karaoke was going to happen) to arrive and then kicked out a devastating version of Harry Nilsson's "Without You" (my choice). I am exaggerating only slightly when I say all ten people in the room seriously thought about crying as I jarred loose emotions they thought were buried long ago. Such is the power of my voice.
Though completely sandbagged by karaoke, Allyson sucked it up and knocked both "Need You Tonight" by INXS (her choice) and "You Can't Hurry Love" by Phil Collins (my choice). I didn't see anyone have any emotional breakdowns inspired by her singing, but she got the job done. The score card:
Chris: "Beverly Hills" by Weezer, "What a Feeling" by Irene Cara, "Same Old Song" by the Four Tops, "Without You" by Harry Nilsson. Four songs left to sing, one chosen by me, three chosen by Allyson.
Allyson: "I Love Rock n' Roll" by Joan Jett, "Power of Love" by Huey Lewis and the News, "Need You Tonight" by INXS, "You Can't Hurry Love" by Phil Collins. Four songs left to sing, two chosen by her, two chosen by me.
The next big test is May 30 -- Allyson has plans to sing "Fantasy" at The Meeting Place, while I'll probably try to cover "Every Beat of My Heart" by Taylor Dane. No, seriously.
You Think You Know a Guy
You live with a roommate for a year, and you think you know the guy, and then you hear him sing both Rage Against the Machine AND Garth Brooks at his first ever karaoke night. Huh.
No one needs to invent a mock liberal talk show to balance out "The Colbert Report," because it already exists. It's called "Countdown" and it stars Keith Olbermann. If you took the MSNBC logo off the screen and put up the Comedy Central globe, the whole viewing experience would actually make more sense.
That show might have crossed a line recently, but I'm not sure -- I usually lean toward "overly sensitive" when there's anti-Republicanism involved (it's my personal bias). Here's what happened:
Segments on John McCain are titled "The Double Talk Express." That's fair enough -- it's a play on the Straight Talk Express, and you can nail almost any presidential candidate of either party for contradicting themselves. The graphic for the segment, though, is McCain driving a short bus. You can see it right here.
Even as someone who doesn't take offense easily, I'm trying to think of a way that this isn't offensive to the mentally retarded, and I can't come up with anything. Am I wrong?
I'd give the guy the benefit of the doubt, but last night he had an extended segment in which a mediocre stand-up comedian pretending to be a body language expert analyzed a very old clip of Bill O'Reilly yelling at some flunkies.
JOURNALISM!
Book 'Em
The British, never the reading type, rudely burned Washington D.C. to the ground in the war of 1812, taking with it the original congressional library. Thomas Jefferson, who needed the cash to fund his lavish ... uh, book-buying habit, sold his personal library (something like 6,000 books) to the country. This seed grew into the new Library of Congress.
A lot of those books have been destroyed by time, fire, or jerks who never returned them, but everything that's left is now on display at the Jefferson Building of the Library of Congress. It's all part of their new tourist initiative, which includes hot new video displays and exhibits: "2008 Visitors in 2008 -- It Could Happen!"
I got to check out the display the other weekend with my brother, and it's sort of a kick to see the private collection of our nation's most beloved nerd. The books are arranged in a circle, arranged in Jefferson's personal classification system; that means all French erotica is at eye-level and everything else is just sort of tossed on the shelves at random.
Anyhow, if you have an obsession with the presidents, go check it out. If you're not me, you still might enjoy the display on the other side of the building -- old maps. They have the first map believed to use the word "America." That's cool because ... uh ... well ...
It's just cool. The west coast of the the New World says "Incognita" and for the interior of Africa, the guy just gave up and drew an elephant. A few years later the same dude drastically revised his worldview to something less accurate, so it's not like he was a stickler for detail. But hey, old map.
1.0
Speaking of obscure presidential thingys, I stopped last Sunday at the ORIGINAL Washington Monument.
It's in Maryland. After driving past the sign on I-70 for about 10 years I built up a critical mass of intrigue, much like a normal person might FINALLY decide to rent "Skyscraper" with Anna Nicole Smith after 300 visits to Blockbuster.
The ORIGINAL Washington Monument was built by the people of Boonsboro in 1827, and from what I can gather they did it barn-raising style. Everyone in the town walked up the local mountain, threw down a few drinks and built a 15-foot tower to honor our first commander in chief right around Independence Day. They came back later and built it up to 30 feet a few weeks later, when it was widely agreed that everyone in town was bored and had nothing better to do.
The original structure fell into a crap-like state twice, then got restored in the 1930s. The simple tower honors Washington by embodying his ... uh ... round stoniness. The Appalachian Trail now runs straight by it, so that all granola-munching eco-snobs with an REI membership and lots of vacation time can marvel in the glory that is GEORGE WASHINGTON.
The view from the top of the tower is really impressive, and the drive through the surrounding countryside is great. I'm not sure I'd tell you to go out of your way to see it, especially when Washington Monument 2.0 represents a more-than-slight upgrade. But as with the Jefferson book collection, if you have a freakish obsession with the presidents, this is totally in your wheelhouse. Go for it.
Some fun news to report: KPLU 88.5 in Seattle has plans to air 30-second editions of my "Jazz Stories" starting in the next few months!
The station, which is Seattle's big NPR affiliate, has the option of airing the stories during its jazz programming or on its 24-hour streaming internet jazz channel, Jazz 24.
There are 12 stories in all, and each one enlightens the listener about the only truly American artform. Here's hoping the fine jazz-listening people of Seattle (and the internet) get a kick out of them. Check back next week and I'll have some samples available for download -- or you can listen to Jazz 24 every day until you eventually hear all twelve. Heck, do both. Life is short.
More film is in! From top to bottom: I meet one of my idols; my brother meets a delicious pretzel; even nature needs to relax sometimes; Washington in the springtime; and Grover Cleveland in his twilight years.
There's now a listing for KPLU's Jazz Stories on the MP3 page, so you can go over there to check out the whole shebang. Here's one of my favorites -- remember, these are all 30 seconds long and completely safe for work. And for reference, Art Tatum played VERY fast.
Big things going on this week, people. Here's what you need to know:
Monday and Tuesday: Phillies
They're in town against the Nationals. Not that you care, but I'm going. So deal with it.
Wednesday: TRIVIA NIGHT!
I open up my week at the DC Improv by hosting their first ever "Happy Hour Trivia Night." This is going to be cool, so if you dig on bar trivia, make the magic happen. Buy a ticket for Wednesday, go to the Improv between 6:30 and 7 to sign up (the limit on trivia is 55, so get there early). Play trivia (with friends, you can play as a team, remember), and then at 8:30 enjoy the rest of the show. All that, PLUS the Improv serves Mexican food. That's as fun of an evening as you can have.
Thursday: Last Comic Standing?
If I get another two minutes of glory (like last year), it will probably come on Thursday night. Season 6 debuts at 9:30 and runs to 11; it will feature the New York auditions where I performed. I have no idea at this point if I will be edited into the show -- there is a good chance that all footage of me is on the cutting room floor. But they did interviews with me, and all that good stuff, so who knows? It might happen.
Weekend: DC Improv
And, of course, you can catch me all week at the closest comedy club to my house, which also happens to be maybe the best club in the country, the DC Improv. The headliner is Bob Marley, who I a very funny guy from Maine. It's a holiday weekend, cut loose and enjoy some shows.
Narnia is a magical land. So magical, in fact, that if you slit somebody's throat, run them through with a sword or shoot them in the face with an arrow, there is NO BLOOD.
That's why "Prince Caspian" is a PG movie, even though three of the Pevensie children are remorseless killing machines. (Lucy, though good-natured, would probably stab people in the face, but she's too short.) You might recoil at the sight of young teens racking up body counts that would make William Wallace proud, but remember -- they USED to be adults before transforming back into children, so that's why they've pretty much worked through the moral dilemma of whether plunging a longsword into someone's groin is ever justified.
GO CHRISTIAN OVERTONES! GO!
The story is basically what I remember it being: Narnia has been overrun by swarthy people who killed all the talking animals, because who wants to have a conversation with their dinner? Only lonely bachelors, and swarthy people mate far too often to be lonely. It's one of the great things about being swarthy.
Prince Caspian of the swarthy people starts out in a lot of trouble, because his uncle is a jerk who just had a son. And so his uncle orders Caspian killed, so that the line of succession can run through Uncle Junction. Caspian runs away, makes an army with the remaining talking animals, summons the Pevensie children with magic, and then there is a lot of fighting.
There's some subtext somewhere in there about losing your faith and loss of innocence and all that crap, but before you can get really dragged down into it they trot out some minotaurs. Good job from the editors on that.
The effects are mind-bogglingly good, the acting is fine, and as with the last Narnia movie, they do a really nice job of showing how tactical combat might actually progress, and that is the quality I admire most in children's movies.
Right now, I am enjoying the Narnia movies way more than Harry Potter. This is probably because all seven Narnia books combined are shorter than the first Harry Potter book, and so the movies don't feel like a chore. I am also dying to know what the hell they're going to do about "The Magician's Nephew" and "The Last Battle," because on paper either one of those movies is a storytelling and public relations nightmare. That's when the Jesus stuff kicks in big-time.
Go see this, it's fun.
Growing Up ...
I had no idea the Narnia books were Christian allegories when I read them as a kid. Honestly, I never gave it a single moment of thought. I just enjoyed that there were people with swords, and monsters.
I've been looking at plot summaries of the later books lately, though. And now I have NO IDEA how I could have missed it. It's not even remotely subtle by the end of the series.
From this we can only conclude that I may be the worst Catholic ever. I'm so bad, in fact, I can't even muster up that much guilt for BEING the worst Catholic. Sigh.
The Worst Fans in Baseball!
I haven't been to a Florida Marlins game, so this might be a little premature, but last night at the Phillies-Nats game, I sat:
1) Behind four middle-aged people who were having vodka drinks and made a point of waiting until the middle of a play any time they got up.
2) In front of three 20something girls who did not watch the game at all. They discussed the one girl's new BlackBerry, Deion Sanders' reality show, and
some work functions. One girl actually said that "Sex and the City" was inspirational to her, and I don't think she was being ironic.
3) Next to a guy from California who booed pick-off moves.
4) To the right of a woman had at least three inches of crack showing every time she leaned forward toward the railing.
5) To the left of two guys in their 50s who apparently had never been to a baseball game before. One guy repeatedly called every ground ball a "line
drive" and cheered hits by saying "good shot!" But at least he was cheering, because the rest of the (very small) crowd did not start a chant for the
Nationals once the whole game. Seriously, not once. There was no organ music, no "Let's Go Nats," no nothing. And they had pretty good reason to chant; the
Phillies continued their selfless mission of trying to make Tim Redding look like Bob Feller.
I know the owners are trying to build from scratch and they're stuck with a last-place team, but god it's awful right now.
This is your last reminder -- the debut of Happy Hour Trivia is tonight at the DC Improv Lounge. Buy a ticket (you can get them at the door, there are some seats available), go to the Improv between 6:30 and 7 to sign up (the limit on trivia is 55, so get there early). Play trivia (with friends, you can play as a team, remember) from 7-8, and then at 8:30 enjoy the rest of the show.
The next trivia night will be July 1, but don't you want to say you were there for the first one? Of course you do.
Challenge 15: Gastroenterology
I had this video done weeks ago, I just forgot to post it. Here's a five-minute story about my actual experiences with going to a gastroenterologist. The topic was suggested by Debra Raden. I think this needs more refining -- I like this story, but it's not quite there yet. Stop in to "I Take Requests 3" in July and you can see if I've polished it up.
This was filmed in early May at Crackers in Downtown Indianapolis -- which, by the way, was the site of the FIRST challenge taping in May 2006 (Boy Scouts), almost exactly two years ago. Neat, huh?
Challenge 16 ACCEPTED!
Tough call on this one. I had a few good suggestions in the bank. For now, I'm going with "Belgium," as suggested by Laura Brower (I think it's Laura, my apologies if I am reading the handwriting wrong). Ms. Brower was in the audience for "I Take Requests 2."
The first Happy Hour Trivia Night is in the books, with the tastefully named "Ted Kennedy's Brain Tumor" coming out on top (scoring 22 out of a possible 32). Congratulations to Chris, Elizabeth, Rich, Ben, Rob and Courtney for the big victory -- they won free tickets to the show on July 1 to defend their crown. Anyone who wants to knock them down a peg, you know the time and place -- DC Improv Lounge, July 1, 7 p.m.
Last night we had one general trivia round, and 10 questions about the state of Maine (in honor of Improv headliner Bob Marley). We also took advantage of the video capabilities of the lounge by putting together a special video quiz, which I'm including right here for your own amusement. The theme is "domes," and you get 30 seconds to identify each of 12 different famous domes. You can play this at home (it's also perfectly safe for work). Just get out some scratch paper and write down your answers as the video plays (and don't replay it, that's part of the challenge). When you're all done, you can check your answers right here.
Special mention goes to the remarkable Jim Dau and his wife, who (with just the two of them) scored a remarkable 24, but weren't eligible for the prizes under the terms of Jim's parole.
I don't understand why, but the Chris White Sucks people have redesigned the site, added a new page for Happy Hour Trivia and ...
Upgraded the blogging program. It's a lot slicker now, what with the tag features and the ability to "digg" entries and whatnot. Not to mention the better-looking archive system. I don't know how these people think, but if it means a better-looking web site, I'm not going to fight it.
I am sort of wondering how they landed all these childhood photos, though ...
Thanks, DC!
Thanks to everyone who came out to the DC Improv to see me last week. I admit, you were ACTUALLY there to see Bob Marley, but you didn't throw anything at me, and that's something. If you enjoyed the shows, come back and see me in the Lounge on July 12 -- that's the third running of I Take Requests.
Take Me Out to the Ballgame
The Nationals are big on making a "family-friendly" ballpark experience, so everytime there's a goof it's extra amusing.
The players have the option of picking their song -- every time they come to the plate, it blares over the PA system. The naughty words are bleeped (Shake that ***, Cristian Guzman).
Pitcher Tim Redding gets his song played before he starts the first inning, and also every time he bats. His song is "One," by Metallica.
I saw Redding pitch twice last week, and both times, before the first inning started, the song definitely got to the lines, "Hold my breath as I wish for death, please god help me."
We have an early front-runner for dumbest news story of the year. Dunkin' Donuts has pulled an ad featuring Rachel Ray, because some people (most prominently the borderline insane Michelle Malkin -- and remember, I'm conservative) feel the scarf she is wearing in the ad resembles a kaffiyeh (the same thing Yasser Arafat always wore).
Can you really, HONESTLY believe that Dunkin' Donuts is secretly pushing a pro-terrorism agenda? And that their vehicle for doing so is Rachel Ray? I've watched a few episode of "30 Minute Meals" and she doesn't really come across as a jihadist.
Dunkin' Donuts: nut up and keep this ad. In fact, film a new ad in which Rachel Ray slams a dunkaccino in front of the Dome of the Rock. Don't let the crazies win.
Podcast
I'm working on getting a Podcast live -- it's in conjunction with the DC Improv, and if it works out I'll get the chance to talk to headliners from week to week. We'll be putting both video and audio online. I'll keep you posted.
Legal Stuff: If you have questions about this Web site, why? You should spend your time questioning the moral nature of any god who would let Chris White exist. But anyhow ... copyright 2009, Chris White Sucks Inc.
When I went to Crown Hill Cemetery in late March, it was basically to see Benjamin Harrison. When I got back to D.C., I did some research and discovered that I had been with 100 yards of one of my favorite musicians.
It's in Maryland. After driving past the sign on I-70 for about 10 years I built up a critical mass of intrigue, much like a normal person might FINALLY decide to rent "Skyscraper" with Anna Nicole Smith after 300 visits to Blockbuster.
August 2009: Jefferson.
Fall 2009: comic interviews on the podcast. 
