Tag: trivia

Trivia Recap: July 14: This was just brutally hard trivia, so my thanks to every team that came out and took its licks. Sometimes, we don't know how these things will pan out until the questions start flying -- sorry if it was on the tough side, but it all averages out over the years. Besides, if you do good on the hard stuff, you get a super boost of self esteem, right? Right? The biggest hurdle was the video round -- "Three's Company" gave teams two clues representing parts of a trio and dared them to find the third. It was WAY TOO HARD -- the high score was 3 out of 9, and the average was 1.25. Yikes. "French Connection" honored Bastille Day with questions about, uh, France (average 3 out of 8). "Disaster!" asked people to name a disaster, given the date it happened (7.25 out of 13) and "Lucky Seven" featured questions about fortune (5 out of 10). The Yelp-Aholics claimed first place with a 25, Squizzle locked in second with a 23, and We Will Bury You in The Rose Garden came in third with 22. Here they are in order of finish: (July 14, 2010)

Trivia Recap: June 23: Chris was very tired and punchy (but oddly enough not drunk), so he particularly enjoyed this edition of Happy Hour Trivia. "A Beautiful Game" played off the World Cup with soccer-inspired questions (what city hosted every match of the first World Cup?) and "Wedding Planning" was based on the various aspects of a ceremony and reception (flowers: what nickname does the huge Titan Arum have, based on its smell?). Our video round was tough -- picture analogies. And the fourth round was a little different -- inspired by the national spelling bee, we had a little spelling quiz of our own called "Spell Yeah." We were shocked at how well teams did on the spelling round. Seriously. The average score for the night was 19 out of a possible 38 -- right at the 50 percent benchmark. Your winner was the Golden Triangle Gun Club (25), second went to McChrystal's Career Counselors (24), and McChrystal Clear had the best final round (wedding questions) to grab third place (21). And oh yeah -- Montevideo, and the corpse flower. Here are your winners in order of finish. The next trivia night is July 14. We'll see you there! (June 23, 2010)

Trivia Recap: May 26: We started HHT on May 21, 2008, so this was our 2nd anniversary edition. We celebrated the traditional way -- with four rounds of kind-of-tough trivia. "Last, First" challenged teams to list the top 10 surnames in America. "In Memoriam" was a tribute to memory (how big was the original floppy disk?), "Roads Scholar" featured questions shot on location during Chris' trip to the Midwest, and "News Clues" was a general-knowledge quiz with twist (the first letters of the correct answers spelled out "Elena Kagan"). The Four King Idiots took top hours with 24 out of a possible 40. Federal Furballz came in a close second with 23. Tied at 22 were two teams, Sqizzle and Those Nachos Look Pretty ****** Good. That meant a dance-off, which Sqizzle won -- but there was supreme effort by both teams, so we awarded two third-place prizes. Here they are, in order of finish. (May 26, 2010)

Trivia Recap 4/28: We always have a pretty full house in the DC Improv Lounge, but this might have been the most people we've been able to cram into the room at one time. Fourteen teams, about 80 competitors all told. And as for the trivia ... "Zodiac Killers" had 12 questions inspired by the signs (what American show is an adaptation of the Japanese "Beast King Go Lion"). "Fifty/Fifty/Push" once again gave teams a 50/50 shot (what has more lines, a sonnet or a sestina). "State Collage" was a video of me in various locations -- you had to name the state I was in. And "Lickety Split" had licking-related trivia (how many licks to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop). I forgot my camera, so no pictures of the winners this time out. But Golden Triangle Gun Club had top honors (33 out of a possible 40). Sent From My iPhone tied with Not Necessarily Smart Associates -- both teams got a 31. But the iPhones won a dance-off to take second, leaving third for the Associates. And of course ... Voltron, a sestina, and three. The next trivia night is May 26 -- see you in the Lounge! (April 29, 2010)

Dinoshark Revisited: I put out some feelers on Facebook for more shark hybrids, and I gotta say I like what you people came up with: Rob Devereux (no relation to Blanche): Shiger: Part shark, part tiger Mansharkpig: Half man, half shark, half pig Shark pei: Shark and shar pei Shoodle: Shark and poodle Sharquido: Shark and mosquito Sharkanzee: Shark and chimp Great white blood cell: Think "The Fantastic Voyage" with people chased by shark shaped blood cells. Allyson Jaffe: Vulshark: half vulture, half shark. Sharkiepus: half shark, half cookiepus Andrea Klee: Shnarky: A snarky person/shark Snookharki: What happens when Snooki breeds with a Jersey shark High Jumping the Shark: An Olympic athlete shark who took things too far and lost its edge I think if we add those to my suggestions, we have half a year of Saturdays blocked out for SyFy. Network executives, please send your checks c/o Chris White. You're welcome. Baseball Trivia Stumper At trivia on Wednesday, I had a 3-point bonus question that teams could work on all night. No one got it. But why don't you give it a try? E-mail your guesses to chris@dcstandup.com, and I'll let you know how you did: START WITH Hank Aaron's career home run total SUBTRACT number of inches from home plate to the pitching rubber MULTIPLY BY minimum number of at bats a leadoff hitter can have playing an entire doubleheader THEN ADD number of MLB teams currently named for animals (humans aren't animals, for our purposes) What's the final number? (March 25, 2010)

Trivia Recap 3/24: It was a fine, crowded time at HHT this Wednesday, with a lot of new faces there to enjoy ... uh, a game that I might have made a little too hard. Not impossible, by any means, but in a perfect world I think I'd have given a few more hints on some of the pop culture stuff. We had the return of the music round, with "Before Part B" -- given clips of songs with "party" in the title, you had to name the performer. "Part B" tested teams on all things B, such as: which great American invented the geodesic dome? "Pub Crawl" was my humble attempt at throwing the crowd a bone. I gave them 14 fictional watering holes, and they had to identify the movie or TV show for each one. "Everyone loves TV shows, movies and bars," I thought. "This will be easy." Well, I was wrong. It was actually pretty hard. And then we closed with "March Madness," nine questions on marching. Not basketball. Remember, I'm strange. The Golden Triangle Gun Club returned to the top of the mountain with a 27 out of 48. Monkey Pants came in second with a 26. And Joe F***ing Biden tied with We Ain't Dancing This Time at 25, but only the dancers stuck around for the photo. Here they are, in order of finish: (March 24, 2010)

Feet of Clay: Barack Obama, the most powerful man in the world, could not demand than an army of statues be built for his tomb. Even if he thought it was a fun way to spend his book royalties and went through private contractors, his career would be over. So if he wants to be remembered, he has to try to "help people" or "solve problems." In that sense, the terra cotta warriors at the National Geographic Museum are really just another reminder that the world is no fun anymore. I'm sure living under the thumb of a homicidal maniac would have a few drawbacks, but if you were a Chinese peasant 2,200 years ago, at least you knew that your boss had panache. And panache is like the MSG of life: sure, it kills you, but it makes everything taste better. If you're not familiar with the legend, China's first emperor from the very start of his reign planned out an entire necropolis (meaning a city for the dead, like in Egypt, or Michigan). The thinking was that he would continue to reign in the afterlife -- why let a supreme being have all the fun? -- but you can't just show up in the afterlife and start bossing people around. The dead are very set in their ways. So, to facilitate this glorious paradigm shift in post-mortal macropolitics, the emperor had 1,000 of his closest living friends whip up a few thousand running buddies made from baked earth. A lot of these were fully armed soldiers, but there were also some pencil-pushers in there, because when your spirt army isn't happy with a sudden spike in payroll taxes you need a fall guy. (I'm not exactly clear on how lifeless clay statues make the jump to fully actualized spirit army, but it's probably something along the lines of "Pinnochio." Also, I did not see any terra cotta hookers, or females of any kind, so those clay soldiers would have been pissed. Just putting it out there.) The display at Nat Geo is the first time any of the warriors have left China (had the British discovered them, it would be a different story, but the Chinese stumbled on them around 1976). The select statues on display are kind of neat! They have a variety of jobs (accountant, horseman, lovable sidekick) and a variety of facial hair (soul patches? oh yeah!). They're all roughly life-sized, and it appears that some of them do have a kung-fu grip of some kind. The downside: there's not enough of them. Though well made, they aren't exactly high art; the whole "wow" factor is that there are THOUSANDS of the statues. You get to see about 10, plus some fine samples of ancient Chinese roofing tile. The roofing tile isn't pulling its share of the "wow." But I still welcome this display as an excellent reminder that, regardless of race or culture, crazy people are awesome. As soon as I find a dedicated revenue stream, I am commissioning a 300-seat necro-comedy club with a full audience and wait staff. If you're good with clay and you have a human-sized kiln, give me a call! Movie Review: North Face This is a pleasing addition to the "mountain climbing plus Nazis" genre, and while I do not think "North Face" will ever air regularly around Christmas, I'm putting it on equal footing with "The Sound of Music." It's 1936, and mountaineers everywhere are all atwitter over the Eiger (in Switzerland). People had climbed the mountain before, but they had used up all the pansy sissy foo-foo routes. The important thing here was to scale the north face, which is largely vertical, has tons of avalanches and rock slides and gets slammed by horrific and unpredictable weather. In other words, the MAN ROUTE. So these German guys, Toni and Andi (apparently, you can still be a man even if your name ends with an "i"), decide to knuckle up and give it a try. They go camp at the foot of the mountain with all the other climbing teams, then when the weather breaks at 2:30 in the morning, they go for it. Meanwhile, the press and rich people in tuxedos watch through telescopes at this chalet at the base of the mountain. The point isn't so much the acting, which is a little bland. It's more that they filmed a lot of this on location and it looks FREAKING AWESOME. Whatever portion of it was faked I have no clue, because when those guys are freezing to death on the side of the mountain, it looks pretty damn real. Seeing all that suffering, and the skin turning black from the freezing to death and whatnot, you wonder what motivates people to do these things. In 1936 there were no REI stores for these dudes to stock up; ropes were heavier, pitons were weaker, and nobody had Underarmor. Gatorade was but a twinkle in a climber's eye. Anyone taking this trip has to know they might not return, so how do you even start out? In the movie, they do paint up the "national pride" angle -- Hitler apparently had high hopes that some Aryan supermen would be the first guys to the top. But why would you risk death to get somewhere (the summit) that can be reached safely? Especially knowing that there is no added benefit to humanity for you having made the trip, unless you count scoring with chalet skanks as an added benefit to humanity. There's definitely something in the human spirit that compels us to try. Not MY spirit, specifically, but some humans' spirt. I'm more into eating sandwiches. (March 2, 2010)

Trivia Recap: 2/24: Snow delayed the fun by two weeks, but that enthusiasm just builds up behind the trivia dam. By Feb. 24 the trivia town was ready for some trivia flooding. (Metaphor over.) We had a packed house -- not an empty chair in sight -- with 14 teams total. "Speaking of ..." featured 10 general knowledge questions. "Zine-o-File" challenged teams to pick the real magazine titles out of a list filled with fakes. "Broken Resolutions" was a double challenge: given a heavily pixelated image, you had to identify what famous painting was shown AND know its formal title. "Short Stuff" honored the shortest month with questions about short things. And a special 4-point bonus question had a presidential bent: Multiply the number of presidents named James by the number who died in office. Deduct that from the number of states Reagan carried in 1984. Add on the number of presidents who served exactly one full term. Whatever the total, tell me the president who corresponds to that number (i.e., 44 equals Obama). Answer below the pictures, if you want it. "Hurry Up! Curling Starts at 9 p.m." overcame their obvious distraction to get 30 points out of 41. Plus they were the only team to nail down the bonus, for 34 points and the win. Squizzle and ToyoDUDS both ended up with 32, and a dance-off couldn't settle things -- both teams put in so much effort that they tied for second. Here they are: And your answer ... 6 times 8 equals 48, subtracted from 49 equals 1, plus 12 equals 13. Your answer ... Millard Fillmore! Easy, right? (February 25, 2010)

Rest Insured: Facebook ads are obviously designed to target individual users. I'm not sure what this one is trying to say. Going by the picture, I'm guessing that guy does not qualify for the $49 a month rate. Also, it occurs to me that Geico could lower rates even further if they stopped spending $16 billion a year on ad campaigns. Trivia Rescheduled For fans of Happy Hour Trivia -- the approaching third end of the world has forced us to reschedule Happy Hour Trivia for Feb. 10. We're pushing everything back two weeks, to Wednesday, Feb. 24. If you want to keep your reservation (or need to change the size of it, etc.) be sure to e-mail trivia@dcstandup.com as soon as possible. Thanks! Hammerin' Hank Let's take a minute and think about the amazing career of one Mr. Hank Baskett. He was the fourth receiver on the Philadelphia Eagles. He somehow started dating Kendra from "The Girls Next Door," eventually taking her away from Hef. He knocked up Kendra and became a (sort-of) reality TV star, but he was also cut by the Eagles. Somehow, he ended up on the Colts roster, specifically on special teams. And then he opened the second half of the Super Bowl by falling into an onside kick like a drunk toddler lunging at a coffee table. Armless people could have looked more graceful trying to catch the ball in their teeth. The Saints go on to win. Hank, you have lived the hell out of your 15 minutes. May basic cable always have a place for you. (February 9, 2010)

Trivia Recap: 1/20: The Improv's main showroom was open (the show in there got canceled), so we headed into the bigger space for a supersized edition of trivia. 22 teams competed, with something like 150 total people. So -- not as cozy as usual, but way more competition! We started off with a music round (matching songs to movie soundtracks). "January Jones" had trivia about people, magazines and songs with the name "Jones" included. "20 10" alternated questions about the number 20 and the number 10. And "Your Name in Lights" was a worksheet that gave you the real name of a celebrity, leaving their stage name for your to provide. By virtue of bringing about 300 people for their team, The Cosmo Centerfolds took first place (37 out of 45). Gym, Tan, Laundry put up a 33, as did the Golden Triangle Gun Club -- but the guidos won a dance-off to take the second spot. Here they are in order of finish: The next trivia night is Feb. 10. See you there! Synergy I think it's wonderful that Michael Phelps is finally getting sponsorships again. And I think it's even better that he's a pitchman for Subway. Because after huge bong hits, he probably loves him some big sandwiches. Phil Splotnik and the Lightning Thief You know why magical things only happen to teenagers? Here's why. A 43-year-old pudgy man in a short-sleeved business shirt is hunched over a stack of papers at his office desk, working late. Suddenly, there is a flash of light, and Hermes appears. HERMES: Phil Splotnik! I come bearing a message from Mount Olympus! PHIL: Wow! How did you get in here without a security badge? And where are your pants? HERMES: Phil Splotnik! The gods themselves summon you to their side! Darkness descends upon us and you alone can brighten the path forward! PHIL: Oh. OK. Well, I guess that's flattering. But this really isn't a good time. HERMES: Phil Splotnik! Know that you are not Phil Splotnik! The father you have never known is in fact mighty Hephaestus, blacksmith of the gods! And now he calls upon you to ... PHIL: Wait, my dad is alive? HERMES: Phil Splotnik! He lives yet, but time is of the essence! You must ... PHIL: Why the hell didn't he pay child support? Jesus, me and mom lived in a trailer! We used to eat dog food! HERMES: Uh, well, the thing about that is, Phil Splotnik, that ... well, personal finances are complicated when the transactions are on an alternate plane of existence. I myself am often stung by ATM fees, and ... PHIL: Well, forget it. I'm not interested. HERMES: But Phil Splotnik! A nefarious force has stolen the lightning bolts of Zeus himself! And in their weakened state, the gods look to you to save the world. Take your rightful place among the clouds, Phil Splotnik! Save this mortal world to which you are bound! PHIL: Uh, geez. Well, I guess I'll get my datebook. HERMES: Take my hand, Phil Splotnik! We leave now! PHIL: Now? Oh, no. That's not happening. HERMES: But, Phil Splotnik! PHIL: I only have four days of vacation left this year. There's no way my supervisor is going to sign off on this. Half the office is at a conference in Tulsa right now. HERMES: Eternal darkness, Phil Splotnik! Did I mention the eternal darkness? PHIL: Well, then you should have thought of this before tax season. I'm totally slammed here. But look, while you're here, who does the accounting for Mount Olympus? I mean, it's busy, but if I land a new account it could be a big boost. HERMES: Uh ... PHIL: Look, I'm not going to pressure you here. It's not like I'm owed anything by my deadbeat father who was fine with his son going to Maricopa County Community College. HERMES: I ... uh ... well, why don't you just give me your card. PHIL: Great. And again, I'd love to help you out, but even if I could use that vacation I have a colonscopy on Tuesday, and I just can't miss that. HERMES: No, of course you can't. PHIL: Super. Do me a favor and close the door on your way out. (January 24, 2010)

Trivia Recap: 12/17: Everybody knows that it's not the holidays without trivia, so we gathered together in the DC Improv lounge to complete 12 glorious months of competition. "Reindeer Games" had 9 questions, each inspired by one of Santa's cruelly mistreated pack animals (the vixen is the female of what animal species?). "Gift Exchange" had 9 questions about some famous presents (what's on the Statue of Liberty's tablet?). The video round had some random trivia filmed on location during my travels, and "Fifty/Fifty/Push" was a new variation on a classic. Thanks to everyone who made 2009 a great year for Happy Hour Trivia. Steven's Friends Who Did Not Help Him Move were at least kind enough to chip in for trivia night, as they managed 28 out of 40 for the win. The Conniving Knishes scored a 25, as did Cake Farts and Flan. But CFF begged off of a dance-off, yielding second place to the Knishes. Here they are in order of finish: (January 2, 2010)

Trivia Recap 11/25: The night before Thanksgiving, we emulated the pilgrims and sat down for some pre-feasting trivia. We started out with "Full House" -- teams had to list the top 10 countries in terms of population. "Giving Thanks" had questions based on the holiday (what dance craze did Dee Dee Sharp start?) and "Kids' Table" focused on famous kids (who starred in the 1960s remake of "Kid Galahad"?). Then, the crowd was not thankful for "Bus School," which turned out to be the toughest video round EVER. It was rebus puzzles with a pop culture twist, and while I had a fine time putting it together, it was much tougher than I had guessed. The high score (out of 10) was 4, and the average score was a tick over 1. Live and learn! Schadenfraude managed a 30 out of 40 for a first-place finish. Let's Get Dangerous scored a 27 for second place, and the Menonites landed in third with a 21. Here they are in order of finish, and thanks to everyone who came out! (November 30, 2009)

Trivia NIGHT!: Trivia was back at the Improv lounge Wednesday with all of the usual magic! Lots of new faces this month, and some victories by old champions. Last month, one attendee told me my questions favored "guy" topics. In her honor, we started off with "Girl Power," filled with empowering lady questions like: "Are bake times longer or shorter at higher altitudes?" We had a very tough worksheet, "Listless," which had teams trying to make an alphabetical list of G8 members, a west-east list of Candian provinces, the last five Best Picture winners and the last five Stanley Cup winners. "The Missing Link" (video) gave teams X and Z, then asked them for Y. (X: "All in the Family." Z: "Good Times." Y: ?) And "It's All Your Fault" featured 10 questions about the blame game: "Which Jewish holiday is the origin of the scapegoat?" I thought the worksheet would be really tough, and I actually threw in the Best Picture list because I thought it would be a gimmie.I think only one team out of 10 got it. Quite a few could name every nation in the G8, though. That's Washington for ya. Sqizzle got back to the top of the podium with a 26 of a possible 41. Golden Triangle Gun Club just missed a tie with 25. And the Pipers, though only three people deep, got a 21 and locked up third place. Here they are in order of finish, and by the way, you bake a cake longer in Denver, Y equals "Maude" and Yom Kippur. Worthless Grants! I am happy to announce the first winners of the White Foundation Worthless Grants! Steve Palowski of Iron Mountain, MI, invented a new kind of chili by combining several existing brands of canned chili. His amazing discovery which in no way benefits humanity is rewarded with $15 in scratch-off lotto tickets. Also getting the 2:37 a.m. phone call was Shoney Blackmon, of Atlanta, who used only an autotuner and a jew's harp to record a crunk version of Carl Orff's "Carmina Burana" which is only available on vinyl. He gets a $15 gift card to 7-11, on the condition that it be used exclusively for Slurpees. (September 24, 2009)

Trivia Recap: The concern going into August's trivia contest is that we wouldn't have enough seats. A company organizing a night out with the co-workers made a reservation for 30, which is something like half the capacity of the DC Improv Lounge. Guess how many people showed up on that reservation? Go ahead, guess. I'll wait. [Whistling, twiddling thumbs.] TWELVE. Ish. Fortunately, the brilliant Allyson Jaffe anticipates these sorts of things, so we had overbooked the room and got a few people on stand-by. It's like college admissions! Only no one has to sleep in a motel near campus for the first semester. The concern once everyone was seated was a group of middle-aged women there for a friend's birthday. If you've been on the town much, then you know that the absolute WORST groups to deal with are "girls night out." They're like the Borg: insanely destructive and able to completely ignore everything that isn't directly related to what they want. You know how serial killers are crazy, but the few women serial killers are crap-on-the-walls crazy? Same thing. These ladies were bad. They were throwing lollipops at people and they wouldn't shut up. So I think it's a true testament to the awesome power of trivia that we still had a great night. Round one was "Caesar Augustus" -- questions on famous Caesars or the month of August. "Points for Clunkers" had teams trying to match car models to car makes (and it featured one goof by me -- I did not realize that the Spider is both a Fiat AND an Alfa Romeo, after Fiat bought Alfa Romeo). "Uhnalohgeez," our video round, had people completing sets of picture analogies: Kyra Sedgwick is to Kevin Bacon as Andrea Mitchell is to ... ? And we finished off with "Cool It," which was standard Q&A about cold things. The Four King Idiots (9 people) won the day, with 34 out of 44. The Boozers, The Dining Room Tables and First Line of Haiku were deadlocked at 27, so after a tie-breaker knocked out the Haikus, it was a dance-off. And an epic one at that! So good, in fact, that we made a 2nd-place tie and gave the Haikus third. If you want to see it, here's the Facebook link. Your teams in order of finish: (August 20, 2009)

Trivia Recap: July 16: We had a short turnaround from the last trivia night, but another packed house! In honor of Bastille Day, we had a bunch of questions about prisons and prisoners; we also apologized for the nasty June games with "Easy Does It," a round of lightweight questions. On the video side, "On the Road Again" featured questions filmed in Charolottesville, Hyde Park, Detroit and more. And we closed things out with music: naming the singers of 12 different "summer" songs (Mungo Jerry, anyone?). After a rough start, the Wise Ass Latinas got a perfect score on the music round to earn a come-from-behind victory (31 out of 42). The Golden Triangle Gun Club and Sqizzle tied at 28, with the Gun Club taking second in maybe the most inspired dance-off yet (both teams were awesome). In order of finish: Hi there I'm back! Sorry to disappear for a few weeks, but I was on vacation. Then I spent a week getting things back in order after my vacation. Lots of reports to come, including: the Bronx Zoo, Tedddy Roosevelt's House, the Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest, Seaside Heights and some updates on my summer tour. Fun! (July 16, 2009)

Trivia Recap: Good times in the DC Improv Lounge last night! The house was packed for HHT, with 70 people crammed in to compete for 90 minutes. We had 90 reservations, but our brilliant answer girl / organizer Allyson was spot on figuring out that the attrition rate is about 30 percent. Basically, if you don't charge for an event, people think it's OK to make a reservation and then not show up. So you go from "me and my 13 friends will be there" to "me and one person I met on the steps are here." That's preferable to the table of 9 where no one shows up, though. Who am I kidding, I love you all. But this had to be, unintentionally, the toughest trivia night yet. Maybe TOO tough, so I promise to dumb it down a shade next time out. Round one was a "Pop Quiz" -- questions about soda or anything that popped. The "Capital Idea" worksheet was feast or famine -- given a list of 30 cities, the teams had to circle the 10 national capitals. "Fantastic Fours 2" was our video round -- people had to identify the missing member of a famous foursome based on three visual clues. And "Summer Lovin'" was inspired by the start of the season. The members of Sqizzle arrived breathless, three questions into the first round ... and they still managed to pull out the win with 24 out of 40. Ed McMahon's Final Words (here's second place) scored a 23. And the Turtle Necks got a 20 and won the dance-off tiebreaker for third. Here they are in order of finish! And I'd be remiss if I didn't include this true competitor ... She didn't win the dance-off for third place, but she opened up with the Kid n' Play. She got my vote, at least. Next Trivia July 16 Mark it down! (June 25, 2009)

Hey Hey!: I'm back! Where have I been, you may ask? Well, I've been editing a textbook. Because my 30s are every bit as crazy as I had imagined. It was actually a pretty sweet gig. The book is a profile of every memeber of the 111th Congress, so after three solid months of reading, I now know almost everything you would ever want to know about the good men and women who carry on our proud, world-changing tradition of democracy. For example, did you know that ... Rep. Louise Slaughter of upstate New York, though born in the 1920s, appears to be about 50. Because she is a VAMPIRE. Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr. of Illinois rides a Segway, because the pioneering work of his father made it possible for black men to act like white nerds. Rep. Bart Gordon of Tennessee has had the fastest time of any legislator in a Washington, D.C., charity race 20 years in a row. Because he is a VAMPIRE. Rep. Aaron Schock of Illinois is the youngest member of Congress, and as a prize, he gets to spend his late 20s hanging out with mostly middle-aged fat white guys in suits. Rep. John Hall of New York was the lead singer of Orleans, and as such has the most embarrassing picture of any sitting member of Congress (google their album covers). Rep. Jean Schmidt of Ohio was hit by a car while jogging and SHOOK IT OFF. She should probably be our emperor. If you include his service in the Continental Congress, Sen. Robert C. Byrd is the most-senior legislator in American history. His legendary ability to direct federal funds home to West Virginia over the last three decades have made that state ... uh, one of the poorest in the nation. Sheila Jackson Lee of Texas and Joe Sestak of Pennsylvania have the reputation as being the meanest bosses. The representative with the best name is Marcia Fudge. Statistically speaking, 33 percent of Congressmen are jerks. Movie Review: Dance Flick There are so many fine summer movies out now, and I'm happy to report that, with all those options, I recently saw "Dance Flick." I could go on for hours about the artistic and intellectual merits of this amazing and profound piece of American cinema. But instead, I will let you know that I laughed about five times, which was five times more than I was anticipating. There are 10 or so Wayans siblings, and many of them now have adult-aged children, and so we finally have movies where not only the principal characters but also the extras have the last name of Wayans. They're like the black Barrymores, without the acting ability. God bless them. (May 27, 2009)

Trivial Pursits: We made it through a year of Happy Hour Trivia! And we celebrated by ... well, playing trivia. Why mess with a good thing. After a (brutal) worksheet round (matching captains to ships -- of a possible 20 points, the average score was 3.5), we got into the anniversary theme. "Give Till It Hurts" had questions based on the traditional annual anniversary gifts, "Happy Anniversary" (video) had people identifying the years of various famous events, and "Team Effort" was inspired by some of our favorite trivia team names over the last year. The Golden Triangle Gun Club came out in force and recaptured the magic that earned them three straight first-place finishes back in 2008 (32 out of 52). Three of the four members of Sqizzle were stuck in traffic at the start, but the guy with the beard held down the fort until their arrival, resulting in a very impressive second-place finish (29 points). And "Three Guys, a Jewish Republican and My Neighbor" filled out the podium (27 points). Oh, and as a special treat for the anniversary, all teams got a signed Chris White headshot. Swank, huh? Here they are in order of finish! And a special thanks to everyone who came out to play trivia over the last year. And super special thanks to Allyson and Improv for giving us a home. (May 20, 2009)

Triva Strikes Back : Last night was Happy Hour Trivia at the Improv Lounge, and here's your recap ... HHT perfection is unattainable, but one team made a run at it this month. "Peri Peri Disappointed" opened with perfect scores in the first round (naming movies based on soundtrack songs) and the second round ("April in Paris," about ... uh, April and Paris). They couldn't keep up that blistering pace for rounds three and four (a video round of naming "Great Depressions," then questions based on "Take Me Out to the Ballgame"), but their final score of 40 out of 47 was enough for first place. "Splinter Group" (one of our resident Yelp! teams) tallied a 37 for second, and "The Four King Idiots" came in third with 34. Here they are in order of finish! Happy Anniversary! The next trivia night, May 20, we'll be celebrating one year of Happy Hour Trivia. Be there! (April 22, 2009)

Trivia Night!: Some new blood made it to the top this month. Hot Amoeba Action scored a 27 out of a possible 43, then took the dramatic tiebreaker over the Neo Fights (which had a few past champs among the ranks) to take home the crown. By "dramatic tiebreaker," I mean they sang their verse of a karaoke song ("My Girl") with a bit more pizzaz, and then in the ensuing dance break, they brought some serious heat. No disrespect to the Neo Fights, though ... representatives from both teams were starting to disrobe and throw garments in the quest for First Place. It was a fine display of sportsmanship all around. Red Beaver returned to the podium once again, scoring a 26 and then taking out Splinter Group in their 3rd-place tiebreaker (naming Shakespearean tragedies). It was a bit of a slog this month ... questions were a bit harder than I was calculating. "Out Like a Lamb" was a really tough opening round. Teams made a nice recovery with "Say What," which had them identifying the originators of some truly horrible quotations. Our video round had clips from / questions inspired by "Casablanca" (also very tough), but we did cruise down the stretch with another round of 50/50, in which teams have two choices and have to circle the correct one. Here are your winners, in order of finish. The fourth picture is "Chucktown's Finest," the team that has the distinction of "longest ever commute to Happy Hour Trivia." They're from Charleston, S.C., and even with a score of 10 out of 43, they seemed to have a pretty damn good time. That's how you play the game, folks ... thanks for making the trip, and safe travels home! Trivia: Say What? What the hey ... you can play along at home. Here's "Say What" in its entirety. For answers, you can click right here. Here are 13 awful or strange quotations. For each quotation, identify the person being quoted. 1) I want to be reincarnated as your tampon. 2) Imagine having to take the 7 Train ... looking like you're riding through Beiruit next to some kid with purple hair, next to some queer with AIDS, right next to some dude who just got out of jail for the fourth time, right next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It's depressing ... 3) All of a sudden, you're like the Bin Laden of America. Osama Bin Laden is the only one who knows exactly what I'm going through. 4) I'm not anorexic, I'm from Texas. Are there people from Texas who are anorexic? 5) I am become death, the destroyer of worlds. (quoting the Bhagavad Gita) 6) If Black people kill Black people every day, why not have a week and kill white people? 7) The black is a better athlete to begin with because he's been bred to be that way. ... This goes back all the way to the Civil War when during the slave trading, the owner, the slave owner would breed his big black to his big woman so that he could have a big black kid. 8) F**king Jews. The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world. Are you a Jew? 9) Aw, how could he lose the ball in the sun? He's from Mexico! 10) Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you. 11) Let's get one thing straight, crack is cheap. I make too much money to ever smoke crack. 12) I stand by all the misstatements that I've made. 13) I'm pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes. (March 26, 2009)

Trivia Recap!: History repeats itself! We had a lot of new teams on board (welcome!), but the winners circle was a carbon copy of January. Red Beaver (hey, they choose their own names) scored 29 out of 42 to nail down first place for the second straight month. Our most tenured team, the Golden Triangle Gun Club, had their usual strong showing with 27, which matched the score of up-and-coming Sqizzle. The Gun Club won second place honors by naming a "Razzie" winner in the tiebreaker. As for the questions? We did four rounds. "Black History" covered almost anything black: African-Americans, piano keys, black holes, and the Black Death. Our audio/video round had teams naming the originators of 10 cover songs. For the first time ever we did worksheet round, daring people to identify 10 Best Supporting Actor winners out a list of 33 nomineees. And finally, "Bailout!" dealt with all kins of bailouts ... financial, nautical, airplane-related, jail ... The worksheet ended up being the bastard round, with most people scoring five or lower. Always nice to have one excruciating game in there. Here are your winners, in order of finish. Special mention for "Thomas Jefferson Airplane." Good name. (February 26, 2009)

Oscar the Grouch: It's great how an industry of people who spend every waking hour trying to entertain Americans has no concept how to program three hours that would be entertaining to Americans. Every year! Here's a hint for next time: cut down on the crowd shots where the studio audience looks bored. Also, drop all the production numbers in favor of a three-minute montage of starlet cleavage shots. Let's see, any other world problems need solving ... stand-up special producers -- audience shots where no one is laughing seem strange when laughter is audible on the soundtrack. Democratic congressional leaders: complaining about a lack of bipartisanship seems unusual when your entire caucus votes as one. C-SPAN Radio: airing Supreme Court oral arguments in a mining rights case from five years ago seems unusual ... well, it just seems unusual. If I paid taxes I'd be very upset that they were underwriting such shenanigans. Close Scrutiny Here's a whole Tom Shales review (and a positive one, at that!) of "Eastbound and Down" where he completely fails to mention John Rocker. Strange omission, right? Over the years I have definitely read Shales reviews (and Ebert reviews, etc.) where they describe major plot points incorrectly. I guess you can always report your general impressions, but if you aren't watching closely enough to get the basic details correct, why should anyone trust your reviews? (February 23, 2009)

Get Happy!: Some days, you feel life isn't going your way. That's when it's time to look at ... St. Paul Prostitution Arrest Photos! Your life is going way better than these people, who a) are currently living through winter in Minnesota; and b) just got arrested for allegedly doing something to make Minnesota winters livable. I have extolled the virtues of the St. Paul police in the past, but it is always helpful to send nice reminders. The only way this could be improved is if they lost the simple gray backdrop and incorporated an Olan Mills studio. This might be pleasant enough to avoid the Eighth Amendment. Imagine if any of those faces were, say ... leaning jauntily against a fake tree stump, with a forest background behind them? That would be great, right? Trivia on Wednesday Trivia, this Wednesday, in the DC Improv Lounge. There will be dancing. Right now, reservations have filled up about half capacity, so if you're coming fer sure, give us a heads up. (February 21, 2009)

Street Sense: I am no sucker. My keen and discerning eye has kept me from many a swindle. Sure, I may have gone in on a few time shares, or paid $500 for the "special" Jiffy Lube engine treatment, but on day-to-day basis I use my "street sense," honed in the broad lanes and cul-de-sacs of Upper Providence, Pennsylvania, to beat the hustlers. And you can do it too! For example, today a guy on the train platform at Metro Center asked me for money, because he was "homeless." You probably would have handed over your wallet and invited the guy to sleep on your futon for a few months, such was his smoothness. But my street sense started tingling: Shoes. Shoes are a definite red flag. This guy was wearing clean, heavy-duty Timberlands with unworn soles. I was jealous of these shoes, and in my general experience, I should not ever be jealous of a homeless guy. I knew something might be up. Nice clothes. Some homeless guys are "put together," but usually they don't wear clean, untorn jeans and a new winter coat. His brand-new knit cap with a Barack Obama logo on it also seemed slightly suspicious. No big bag of stuff. I study the homeless, and I know that the lack of a home often requires them to carry things. This guy wasn't carrying anything at all. Hmm. Good teeth, no smell, groomed facial hair, walking around a Metro station that requires money to enter. Insignificant details to most people, but again, I am from the streets. It didn't take long for me to figure out that this guy was either a) not homeless; b) just recently homeless, by a matter of minutes; or c) homeless but with no common sense about marketing. Since two of the three scenarios include homelessness, and I have white guilt, I gave the guy money. But ONLY $600. You can't let these guys steamroll you. Be smart, people, and I'll see you on the streets! Trivia! Trivia! Trivia! Yet another fine edition of Happy Hour Trivia is in the books. The post-inauguration special had four rounds: "Two Face," in honor of the Roman God Janus; "We Are the Champions," in honor of great sports franchises; "Fill in the Blank," in honor of doctored photographs; and "Billy / Bob," in honor of ... uh, Billys and Bobs. [You can play "We Are the Champions" at home: there are 122 major North American sports franchises (MLB, NBA, NHL, NFL). Name the 10 franchises with the most championships. Answers below.] Plus, after the prizes were awarded, we threw in a bonus round of tough president questions, what with the leader of the free world changing and all. It's good for me to purge the presidential questions from my system every few months, and this was the most appropriate time to do it. Thanks for bearing with me, world. If all that weren't enough, we got to hear some words from our new sponsors: National Plastics, the commemorative plate industry, and the Politically Motivated T-Shirt Fund. Thanks to those guys for helping to underwrite the evening. You can see their ads over at the videos page. Red Beaver came up with 33 out of 44 for the win; Golden Triangle Gun Club finished second and Sqizzle took third. We had our second straight month of tiebreaker hilarity; there was a tie for third place, and I had a list of 20th Century first ladies in hand. The team that got to go first confidently went with Laura Bush, so we were able to use the same tiebreaker to break the deadlock for the top two spots. This was a virtual repeat of December, when one team, with 15 Soviet Socialist Republics to choose from, went with Yugoslavia out of the box. Tiebreakers are awesome. Teams are shown in order of finish. And thanks to team "Voltron," which combined to form a horrible score, but made me smile. Well done. Champions! Here are your answers for "We Are the Champions": New York Yankees (26), Montreal Canadiens (24), Boston Celtics (17), Minneapolis/L.A. Lakers (14), Toronto Maple Leafs (13), Green Bay Packers (12), Detroit Red Wings (11), St. Louis Cardinals (10), Chicago Bears (9), Philly/Oakland Athletics (9). (January 22, 2009)

DANCE!: Trivia fans ... if you missed the last Happy Hour, here's somebody's cell phone footage of the Dance Off to determine the ultimate winner of our second game (yes, I stole this idea from Quizzo). The passion ... the sensuality ... you gotta get to the Jan. 21 show. You owe it to yourself. Fun in the Sun Two days before the winter solstice, it's 70 degrees in Raleigh. I had to do a holiday party this afternoon, and people were in short sleeves, plus there were blue skies visible out the window. And you could hear "Sleigh Ride" playing on the radio in the kitchen! Mele kalikimaka. (December 19, 2008)

Trivia? Trivia!: The biggest ever Happy Hour Trivia night is now in the books! We played two separate games (three rounds each) with the crowd (which got in free, also a new experiment) of about 100 people. Not too shabby, say I. The first game was a bit of a shin-kicker. Round one was "Dirty Dozen," 12 questions based on the number 12. For example, how many dozens in a great gross? Round two was a pretty tough video set which I filmed on my recent travels to Atlanta, Seattle, Philadelphia and Ohio. For example, why did they build the Space Needle in 1962? For the third round we made things a bit easier, with every question giving the team a 50/50 shot. For example, who's shorter, Gary Coleman or Emmanuel Lewis? Your winners were the honestly named "You Had Me at Free," which is actually built on the foundations of the October champions (24 out of a possible 32). Second went to the honestly named "Couples Staying Together Because of the Poor Economy," and after a dramatic tiebreaker which involved naming Mariah Carey's No. 1 hits, "You have been awarded no points and may god have mercy on your soul" locked up third place. Here they are, in order. And by the way, 144, the World's Fair and Emmanuel Lewis by five inches. Most people stuck around for game two, which kicked off with questions about elements -- off the periodic chart or otherwise. (What elements make up Captain Planet?) Then there was a video round, followed by questions that used the Ten Commandments as a departure point (honor the Sabbath, by telling me who replaced Ozzy when Black Sabbath kicked him out in the late 1970s). "Sqizzle" took the top spot after winning a dance-off with the "Golden Triangle Gun Club B-Team"; both managed 26 out of 33, but Sqizzle had the moves. That's how they roll. The Couples Staying Together snagged third with a 25. The pictures: And by the way, earth wind fire water heart, and Ronny James Dio. Extracurricular-wise, we watched "Tangents 2" from the White History Project, saw a pitch from The Ginger Fund, and then at the end of the night I dropped some karaoke on the crowd. It was a fun evening. Probably a little too long -- if we do a "supersized" trivia night again, we might try one game of five rounds instead of two matches. If you were there and have any suggestions, I'm all ears -- e-mail trivia@dcstandup.com. And now, the video round. Name the country shown in each picture. Enjoy, and get your answers right here. That's a Lot of Crap We had one super bonus question: in "The Twelve Days of Christmas," how many birds does the singer receive? What was particularly fun was that team had to sing the dreidel song as loud as they could to signal that they'd reached an answer. So for about three minutes we had people shouting "Dreidel Dreidel Dreidel" until there was finally a winner. Priceless. Anyhow, if you factor in that you get 12 partridges (every day you get one!), 22 turtledoves (11 days you get two!) and so on, it comes out to 184 birds. (Days 1, 2, 3, 4, 6 and 7 are all avian.) That means that your "True Love" is giving you 184 creatures that require care and feeding, and in all likelihood smell like death. What better way to say "I love you?" Not to mention the expense of housing and feeding maids a milking, lords a leaping, pipers piping ... And are they your contract employees, or slaves, or what? What I'm getting at is, your true love is an inconsiderate jerk who apparently deals in human trafficking. You can do better. Run Like The Wind Rock Creek Park is one of DC's "go to" destinations for fitness -- a gajillion people bike and jog there, because it's pleasant and because everyone else goes there. It's so popular that a steady stream of sexual assaults and murders in the park over the last 20 years hasn't really deterred the public. My overwhelming sense of shame prevents me from exercising around large numbers of people, but since it was a cold weekday, I figured on Wednesday I'd give it a shot. Usually when I go for a run, I stick to routes I've mapped in advance, and I go somewhere between four and five miles. At the end of the run, I'm very sore and tired. When I haven't calculated the distance beforehand, I always end up running farther and faster. Today I just winged it, and I ended up running 6.5 miles, which is a personal best. I wasn't crawling across the finish line. Somehow, if I don't KNOW I'm pushing myself, I actually do a lot better than the occasions where I TRY to push myself. There might be a lesson here about the limitations we place on ourselves, and how the biggest barriers to success are our own mental hang-ups. But I choose to believe instead that we should never prepare for anything, because it makes most of my career decisions much easier. If you found this inspiring, please send me money. (December 3, 2008)

SUPER TRIVIA: December 3: Big news! Happy Hour Trivia has been on hold for a month, but when we come back on December 3 (a Wednesday), it's for a supersized game! We'll be the only event at the Improv that night, so that means we're free to play two rounds of trivia instead of one. That means twice the chances to claim ultimate victory and ram your intelligence down the throats of your mortal enemies. Huzzah. This time out, the event is also FREE -- all you have to do is show up. Go over to the trivia page for more details. And one special favor -- if you're planning on attending, give us some advance notice (e-mail trivia@dcstandup.com). If we have enough interest, we might be able to move out of the lounge and into the main showroom, which would mean more people can play the game. Book Review: The Mysteries of Pittsburgh This is Michael Chabon's first novel, from 1988. I read "Kavalier & Clay" and "Summerland," and I enjoyed them both, so why not? "Mysteries" was kind of slight by the standard of those other books; it covers one post-college summer in which the narrator, the estranged son of a Jewish gangster, makes some new friends and then proceeds to sleep with a few of them. It's well-written, and I enjoyed it as a portrait of youthful angst and confusion, but overall I wasn't particularly blown away. I guess I was hoping for something a bit more epic. I did enjoy being able to follow the action around Pittsburgh in my mind, since I visit that city enough to actually know the neighborhoods and bridges he keeps mentioning. The town definitely has a personality that adds to the story. However, the mysteries have less to do with Pittsburgh than with the narrator being messed in the head. So if you are hoping to solve the true mystery, why the hell anyone drinks Iron City beer, you'll have to look elsewhere. (November 19, 2008)

Face the Facts : Facebook is about a gajillion times better than MySpace. That said ... 1) Status updates are not the best way to let the world know your political beliefs. They're actually like bumper stickers. If I didn't already agree with you, I now hate your cause even more, because you felt it necessary to throw it in my face, and therefore I am now against you just for spite. 2) If you can't attend an event I've posted because you live more than 50 miles away from that event, no need to explain! I wasn't expecting you to travel from California for my $10 show. Sure, it would have been nice, and if you were a GOOD friend, you'd be there. But I'm OK with you not leaving an explanatory message. I'm cool like that. How come ... ... no one has invented the female urinal? Instant gold mine. Sure, there are logistical problems, but I'm thinking some wall partitions would get the job done. Right? Right? Wrong? Right? The productivity gains from time saved in ladies' rooms would project out to about $5.3 trillion a year for the U.S. economy. It might save us from recession. Back when I worked at a multiplex (i.e. the good old days), I had to clean men's rooms and women's rooms. The women's rooms were always about five times more disgusting that the men's rooms by the end of the night. Considering that men are genetically programmed to pee on inappropriate surfaces for spite, this is mind-boggling. Ladies: what are you doing in there? Fight club, where the primary weapon is urine? Harry You probably don't watch much Lifetime (because you don't appreciate that "The Golden Girls" is the height of Western civilization), so you're missing the great ads for a new movie starring Harry Connick Jr. as some kind of a cancer researcher. It features Harry running, in a labcoat and tie, down a hallway. He looks very upset. It's inspirational. You have to love a guy who isn't content with being the most popular jazz musician of his generation and insists on being a mediocre actor as well. You just didn't see that level of dedication from your Louis Armstrongs. Anyone can be great at something. It takes real courage to walk away from that greatness to wallow in mediocrity. God bless you, Harry Connick Jr. (October 3, 2008)

Trivia Recap: There was a shake-up at the top in the fifth edition of Happy Hour Trivia as we have new champions: Pink Eye and the Brain. These young swains scored 22 out of a possible 30 questions with an October theme -- one round of monster questions in honor of Halloween, one round of questions from cemeteries (also in honor of Halloween) and a special "Octoberfest" round. Unfortunately, they're all part Bigfoot, so the photo is blurry: Nipping at their heels were The Disgruntled (19 points) and the returning, excellently named Team Redundancy Team. Here are their pretty mugs: Average scores were down a bit ... the questions might have been a little TOO hard. If I regret anything, it's the number of president questions -- the gravesite video had a bit too much commanders in chief. But no presidents in November, I promise! New Podcast: Jim Florentine Jim is a regular on Howard Stern's show, and he was also the voice of Special Ed from "Crank Yankers." This was easily the dirtiest interview so far. I just went with it, so if that's not your thing, skip it. On the other hand, if you like heavy metal, Jim talks about it for about ten minutes. You can get it all over at the Podcast page. (October 2, 2008)

Happy New Year!: Happy Fiscal New Year! I hope everyone was able to kiss an accountant at midnight. I had to settle for rolling around on a pile of money. Well, not so much a pile as the four bills I had in my wallet. There were all ones. Sigh. Monday Tuesday Wednesday ... Every now and then I think I would be really good as an advertising director, but then something like NuvaRing comes along ... Basically they are trying to sell women on the concept that taking a birth control pill is a horrible burden, and that their lives would be immeasurably better if they just used a vaginal insert instead. Why go to all the toil of swallowing one pill a day when you could just have some kind of ring inside you for three weeks at a time? I don't have to take birth control pills, and I don't know if they're a chore, but I have to think swallowing a pill a day is not too bad if the end result is not having to take care of a baby, which takes slightly more effort each day than swallowing a pill smaller than a Tic Tac. And if you forget to take care of the baby one day, it's not like you can double up on the caregiving the next day. You just go to jail. But they actually wrote a jingle to convince you the pill sucks! This is right up there with the Visa Check Card ads which try to convince you that you're being a huge a-hole slowing down the entire financial system whenever you opt to pay with cash. Yes, lines are stacking up 70 deep behind you every time you don't use a Visa Check Card. You are slowing things down so badly that the women behind you will not have time to take their birth control pill that day. You are driving them to NuvaRing. That's how the economy works! Everything is connected. Happy Hour Trivia TONIGHT! Come to the DC Improv around 6:30! Buy a ticket for Jim Florentine! Play trivia before the show! That is all. (October 1, 2008)

New Podcast: Dov Davidoff: There's a new episode of the podcast! It's an interview with Dov Davidoff, who was one of the most interesting dudes I've met in five months of doing these interviews. I knew nothing about the guy going into this, but he has the very intriguing combination of restless intellect and (from what I could tell) mild social perversion. Neat guy. His personal history is absolutely fascinating. Here's the MP3 file (24 minutes). Check it out, you'll be glad you did. And this week, I'll be talking to Jim Florentine, so be sure to subscribe through iTunes so you get the next episode. Trivia Tomorrow! Happy Hour Trivia returns on Wednesday night! We've got three October-themed rounds for you: Monster Mash, Octoberfest, and Dead Wrong (a video round shot entirely in cemeteries). If you're in the DC area, all you have to do is buy a ticket to watch Jim Florentine at the DC Improv on October 1, then show up early to play in the lounge. All the particulars are at the trivia page. See you Wednesdsay! (September 30, 2008)

Threepeat!: I don't know at what point you become a juggernaut, but the Golden Triangle Gun Club is trying. On Wednesday night they won their third consecutive Happy Hour Trivia by getting 22 out of a possible 31. They're like Michael Jordan, but less bald, less black and for trivia: Their victory means they get free tickets to defend their crown on OCTOBER 1, when Happy Hour Trivia returns. We also had a tie for second. The Einsteins Plus 1 (no indication of who the plus is) and 2 Reds and 3 Browns both scored 18. The Einsteins narrowly earned second place by naming more general election losers in a dramatic tiebreaker. Here they are: The first round was all election-related trivia (what won the Mars Candy election of 1995?) -- people did pretty well with that. The second round was a video where you had to match famous faces to their colleges, and results were once again decent (you can try it below). The final round had questions tangentially related to Chile (headliner Pablo Francisco is Chilean-American, I think), and people did AWFUL. The average score (out of 9) was something like 2.5. I would have guessed that the video round would be the stumper, but I was way, way off. But that's why you play the game! Thanks to everyone who came out, and I hope to see you in October. Now here's that video round, as promised. Once you've watched it, you can get the answers right here. New Podcast: Pablo Francisco I did another quick interview with a DC Improv headliner. This time, it's high-energy impressionist Pablo Francisco. We talked for about 10 minutes, just one day after the subject of Pablo's most well-known impression, Movie Guy Don LaFontaine, passed away. Take a listen, and subscribe through iTunes ... that's how these podcast things work. It's posted over at the Podcast page. (September 4, 2008)

Yes You Can!: You could spend your time, money and energy working on a local level in your community to make an actual difference in someone's life. Tutor a poor kid, sweep up a sidewalk, that sort of thing. Or you could PROTEST THE RNC! YEAH! IT WILL TOTALLY MAKE A DIFFERENCE! We get a lot of protests here in DC, because apaprently it means more if you yell into a bullhorn somewhere between the White House and Capitol. Their primary result is causing traffic problems for people like me with little or no interest in that particular problem, which in turn gives people like me a rooting interest against that cause. Thanks to protesters, I now support: Global warming. In fact, I support the conversion of all existing power plants to oil-burning facilities, and then the creation international markets that only allow oil to be purchased with actual human blood. A 5,000-year commitment in Iraq, and war as a solution to every international problem. Instead of impeaching George Bush, installing him as emperor for life. Unequal pay, to the point where a man gets paid 95 percent more for doing much, much less than a woman. The 1915 genocide of Armenians by the Ottoman Turks. After sitting in traffic for 25 minutes, I was actually close to being disappointed in the Ottomans for not finishing the job, thereby eliminating any possible protests in the future. Trivia! Last call for trivia, peeps. It's Wednesday night at 7. Come out and play -- you won't be sorry, I promise. (September 2, 2008)

They are the Champions: In only our third edition of Happy Hour Trivia, we already have repeat champions. The Golden Triangle Gun Club smoked the competition once again, scoring a 21 out of a possible 30. Behold their wrath: Coming in second was Team Redundancy Team (19) and rounding out the winners' circle was the Dewey Ducks (18). Round one was movie trivia -- teams had to list the top 10 U.S. box office hits of all time (inflation-adjusted, of course). Not as easy as you might think. Round two was another video (check it out below). And round three was standard Q and A. Since the show in the main showroom was improv, we had three improvisers, Katie, Katie and Dan, help us out ... they worked the right answers into a couple of classic improv games. Thanks, guys! Here's the video round, as promised; it's called "Fantastic Fours," and the instructions are part of the video. I truncated this to five questions for the web (there were 8 on the full version). Take a look right here for the answers.. (August 7, 2008)

Trivia!: What better way to honor the memory of Rick James than by coming on out to Happy Hour Trivia on Wednesday? Get to the DC Improv Lounge between 6:30 and 7 to sign up. I don't want to say it'll be the best trivia night in recorded history, but with Rick James looking down on us it's going to be close. We're going to have a video round. We're going to have a brand-spanking-new "Top 10" round. We're going to have a straight-up Q and A round. PLUS we'll have some improv comedians on hand to help you out with the answers, and you'll get to see the world premiere of the latest video from the White History Project. And then you get to go watch the show in the main showroom. Plus there's booze. Folks, if you're having more fun on a Wednesday than that, then you are probably a regular on the Craig's list personal ads. (August 4, 2008)

Trivia Night August 6: Peoples of the DC area: next week is the return of (cue ominous timpani) ... This is the third edition of Happy Hour Trivia, and it's gonna be a neat one. Here's how it works: 1) You buy a ticket for the main showroom (this time, an improv comedy show starting at 8:30). 2) You get there between 6:30 and 7 to sign up for trivia in the lounge (max capacity around 60). 3) You play one hour of exciting games for fun and profit (profit being free tickets, and possibly chips and salsa). 4) Then you go watch the show! Since there are improv comedians on the premises, we'll be getting their help dishing out some of the answers. There's also going to be another challenging video trivia round -- you aren't getting a trivia night anything like this anywhere else. Come taste the rainbow! Wait, that's Skittles ... well, come anyway. It's awesome. More info through the link on the right side. Your Fee Paid For This Blog Last week I went to Fort McHenry in Baltimore (I was part of an undercover sting operation busting up a 4th-grade drug ring, and that was our summer school day trip, but that's another story). It's a pretty neat fort in excellent condition. You pay $7 to get in. And everywhere you go are signs reading: Your Admission Fee Paid for This Exhibit. This has several possible meanings: 1) The visitors at Fort McHenry are generally so upset with the entry fee that they are regularly threatening to make the park rangers eat their ranger hats unless they explain why they have to pay. Since it's in Baltimore, this is actually possible. 2) The rangers at Fort McHenry are involved in something extremely sketchy, like embezzling funds to run a high-overhead drug smuggling operation (why not? It's on the water, it's Baltimore ...) and they're hoping the signs will keep people from looking too closely at the books. Since it's in Baltimore, this is actually possible. 3) They didn't want to lose any of their budget, so when the end of the fiscal year came up and they still had some unallocated funds, they paid someone $80,000 a sign to eat up that money and justify a bigger request for the next year. Since it's a government-run site, this is actually possible. Personally, I would like a sign that says: "Your Admission Fee Paid for This Sign Telling You What Your Admission Fee Paid For." (July 29, 2008)

Trivial Pursuits: Congratulations to the Golden Triangle Gun Club, winners of the second ever Happy Hour Trivia Night! The theme was "Red, White and Blue," and here are Jason, Ben, Zah, Craig and Libby, striking a patriotic pose: My main concern in putting together trivia night is that I'm making things too tough -- if the game is impossible, no one will want to play, but if it's too easy, there's no real pride in winning. You have to have a balance. That being said, the video questions this time out were total bastards. Here's a sample for you to try at home -- get your answers right here when you're done. I've really enjoyed the first two trivia nights, and I think the third one should be intriguing -- it's going to feature improv comedians. Come see for yourself on Aug. 6! (July 2, 2008)

Happy Hour Trivia TONIGHT!: Your weeks of waiting are over! The second incarnation of Happy Hour Trivia is tonight at the DC Improv Lounge. The theme is "Red, White and Blue" and it's going to feature a heaping load of patriotism in video, audio, and straight-up Q and A form. If you're planning on going, get there early -- I'm pretty sure it's going to be full (capacity is 60). Doors open at 6:30 and the game starts at 7. And if you can't make it, the next trivia night is Aug. 6. Mark your calendar. Podcast Updates The interview with Jake Johannsen is now a fully operational battle station. You can download it at the podcast page if you aren't a subscriber. Like you should be. Cough. Cough. Also -- tonight I will be talking to Brett Leake, so I hope to have that online tomorrow. Should be neat. (July 1, 2008)

Welcome Yelpers: A big hello to anyone who found their way here from Yelp DC, which gave a very nice plug to ... Between Yelp and the DC Improv e-mail list, I'm thinking that trivia night is going to be pretty full on July 1. If you and your trivia team are planning on making an appearance, do your best to get there when the doors open around 6:30 -- the Improv Lounge holds 55-60 people, and it's first-come first-served. In honor of Independence Day, the theme is "Red, White and Blue," so each round is going to have some kind of patriotic theme to it. See you July 1! Miss Jackson, If You're Nasty If you're a big fan of Janet Jackson, or more specifically, the silicon-based lifeform that used to be Janet Jackson, have I got a deal for you! I have two tickets for her concert in D.C. on Oct. 15. And they're good tickets! I couldn't snag any of the premium 15 seats that are actually between Janet's breasts (the seats are mounted where her ribs used to be * ), but they are directly opposite the stage on the lower level of the Verizon Center. They're not on the floor, though, so visibility will be good, because you won't be in the huge shadow cast by her breasts, and there's less risk of death by catastrophic boob collapse. Although it wouldn't be so bad to die underneath the boob that changed television forever. If you gotta go ... I originally bought the tickets as gift. Here's how it went down: Birthday Girl: Wow, Janet Jackson is coming to town! I would like that show. Too bad we'll be out of town. What I heard, probably because I was busy thinking about hot dogs or something along those lines: Janet Jackson! Me, two weeks later, still thinking about hot dogs: Hey, Janet Jackson is coming to town! That would make a good gift! Me, two hundredths of a second after finalizing the credit card purchase: Oh, wait ... You might think that the moral of the story is "listen better," but you would be wrong. The moral is, "TicketMaster is a fascist, malignant lump on the butt of humanity." So anyhow, I can't go, and if you are interested in snagging my tickets, I will sell them to you at face value, plus a $321 convenience fee. ** I won't be thrilled about it, though! I actually would like to see Janet. I'm not a huge fan, but I consider any performance by a Jackson to be a touching testament to the astonishing creative energy unleashed by systematic child abuse. I'm sure Joe Jackson is burning in hell, but if there's any justice, he gets to listen to a Lite FM station while doing it. * rib joke courtesy of Becca ** I might drop this fee altogether if asked nicely (June 19, 2008)

I Take Requests: July 12: Tickets are now on sale for I Take Requests 3. Here's the link to buy them online. You can also get your tickets in person at the DC Improv office, if you're in the neighborhood -- saves you a few bucks from the online ticket fee. For just $10, you're getting a trivia contest, funny videos, about an hour of stand-up and a special grand finale -- I'm admittedly a little biased, but I think it's one of the most fun shows going. Once again, I'll have all new questions, some new videos, some new stand-up and a new finale. I hope to see you there! And bring your friends. You know you want to. Trivia Night: July 1 And here's another friendly reminder: the second Happy Hour Trivia night is on the horizon! The big event is Tuesday, July 1, and in honor of the July Fourth holiday, the theme is a "Red, White and Blue." We're going to have one round of regular questions, one round of video questions and a new wrinkle -- a music round. It's not all Americana, though ... think outside the box. If you're in the DC area, check it out -- between trivia and headliner Brett Leake you're gonna have a good time. Start assembling your team now ... (June 7, 2008)