Chris White's Schedule

Despite the best efforts of the CWS staff, Chris White does, on occasion, successfully schedule live comedy appearances. These appearances are in both his adopted hometown of Washington, D.C., and around the country, as he seems determined to spread his particular brand of suck all over this soon-to-be-formerly-great land.

You may be one of the naive people thinking, "Hey! Chris White is a genius! I would like to meet him in person, and give him money!" Well, wise up: it won't buy his love. And don't bother sending him your severed ear, either. He's an emotionless robot, apparently.

While you should UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES patronize any of these shows, we are providing this calendar for two reasons. First, if you are truly as devoted to the cause as the operators of this Web site, then you are under court order to remain 50 miles from Chris White at all times, and you must therefore know his whereabouts. Second, if you are NOT under court order, you can wait outside these venues and throw canned goods at Chris White as he enters or exits.

2010 and forward

  • January 27-30 (Wednesday-Saturday): Helium Comedy Club with Drew Hastings
  • March 20 (Saturday): Laugh Riot at the Hyatt, Bethesda, Md.
  • March 24 (Wednesday): Happy Hour Trivia (hosting), DC Improv Lounge
  • April 29 - May 2 (Thursday-Sunday): The DC Improv with Todd Glass

Why Chris Sucks: Chris drives a Volkswagen Jetta. Volkswagen used to make tanks for Hitler. Therefore, Chris supports the Nazis.

Legal Stuff: If you have questions about this Web site, why? You should spend your time questioning the moral nature of any god who would let Chris White exist. But anyhow ... copyright 2009, Chris White Sucks Inc.