"I Take Requests"

NEXT SHOW: SUMMER TOUR August 26-29. The end of the summer, Chris will be taking his show on the road. "I Take Requests" will be coming to venues in Little Falls, New York (8/26), Boston (8/27) and Waitsfield, Vermont (8/29). We'll have more details in the near future.

From Chris:

"Starting in 2007, I began producing 'I Take Requests,' a one-hour show which is built on a dare -- several of them, in fact. Starting in May 2006, I asked blog readers to start e-mailing topics -- any subject they'd like to hear jokes about. When the challenges are accepted, I give myself a two-week time limit (usually observed) to write, edit and perform a 4-minute routine on the subject and then post it online.

"The show incorporates the best jokes from those challenges into one performance, along with some other surprises -- video presentations, trivia challenges, trombone playing and more. The whole event is a little different -- it's eclectic, clever, goofy and original, and not what you'll normally see in a comedy club act. And it keeps changing -- as people add new challenges, I'll rotate them into the show. Check it out!"

From the people at Chriswhitesucks.com:

"He's lying. It's a terrible show. If it's in your area, please buy all the tickets, and then don't go. Spare some people a lot of pain."

Current Challenge

The next challenge will be announced shortly. And don't worry, we're working on getting a video of challenge 19, "the color blue," posted as soon as possible.

20: Token White Guys (3/25/09)

Monty Cox, a regular at "Happy Hour Trivia," laid down the challenge for "token white guys," a subject on which I have some personal experience. It's hard out there for a pimp.

This was recorded at the warm-up for Happy Hour Trivia on March 25, in the main showroom at the DC Improv Lounge. And yes, I have noticed the minor discrepancy where challenge 19, "blue," hasn't been posted yet. My team of experts is working on it.

ITR 4 Finale (10/11/08)

On October 11, I performed "I Take Requests 4" to a fine audience at the DC Improv Lounge. After incorporating jokes from all 18 challenges into a 45-minute stand-up routine, I debuted my latest grand finale -- a challenge just for me. This time out, I decided to say goodbye to the audience in the best way I know how: song.

The hope here was to get everyone in a super patriotic mood by singing "America the Beautiful" and then to lead rioting through the streets of DC while waving American flags. It didn't work out quite that well, but I still think it was a good time.

18: Fishsticks (10/11/08)

On the night of "I Take Requests 4," I also makde the video for challenge #18, Fishsticks, as suggested by a YouTube commenter whose real name I don't know. I think he wanted me to do something about a song with the title "Fishsticks," but it wasn't entirely clear, so I just went with the battered bounty of the oceans instead. I have more fishstick material than this ... if I get a good video of it, I'll be sure to update things.

This was recorded in October 2008 at the DC Improv Lounge.

17: BlackBerries (9/29/08)

Maybe you have an iPhone or some third-party knock-off, but you can probably relate to at least one or two of these jokes about BlackBerries, the magical devices which allow your office to reach you any time of day or night no matter where you are on the planet. Basically, they're EVIL. The topic was suggested by Brian and Brenda Ruf, who e-mailed it to me USING a BlackBerry while waiting to watch the third edition of I Take Requests. If that's not synergy, I don't know what is.

This was recorded in late September at the Arlington Drafthouse in Northern Virginia. That explains the large movie screen behind me.

16: Belgium (6/21/08)

We go to Europe (I think?) for the 16th challenge: BELGIUM. Brought to you by Laura Brower of the Washington, DC, region. I had to research things to joke about, because Belgium is, to put it nicely, bland: no famous people, no really distinguishing historical moments, no national identity. The only thing you CAN joke about, Jean-Claude Van Damme, might be angry and coked-up enough to do something about it. Sigh.

Filmed June 21 at the DC Improv Lounge in front of no Belgians.

15: Gastroenterology (5/20/08)

We march on toward "I Take Requests 3" with this challenge, presented by Debra Raden, who works for the American Gastrosomethingorother Association and was in the audience for "I Take Requests 2." I didn't get into the hardcore ins and outs (tapeworms? yum!) but instead decided to relate my actual advendures going to a gastroenterologist in late 2007. Is it a cop out? You be the judge. I'm going to keep working on this ... there's more here.

Filmed in early May at Crackers in Downtown Indianapolis -- which, by the way, was the site of the FIRST challenge taping in May 2006, almost exactly two years ago. Neat, huh?

14: Phil Collins (3/25/08)

Former co-worker Richard Aldacushion challenged me to do jokes about the Genesis frontman (or about Bert Blyleven, but I took the coward's way out).

What can you say about Phil Collins that hasn't already been said by millions of adoring fans, or by Phil Collins himself during one of his 5,321 appearances on VH1? The answer: not much. So I tried to discuss the Phil Collins experience as much as the man himself.

Fun fact that didn't make the final cut: Phil Collins has as many Oscar nominations and wins as Humphrey Bogart.

13: Newton's Third Law (1/22/08)

We start out 2008 with a bit of an F.U. from Maegan Simpson of the D.C. area.

Maegan suggested Newton's Third Law of Motion. For those of you who were popular in school, simply stated: "For every action there's an equal and opposite reaction." There are definite possibilities for that premise, given the way it's phrased and considering human nature.

I am completely confident that I tapped none of those possibilities. Performance is at Solly's Tavern in Washington, DC.

12: Body Odors (7/8/07)

It's been a long while since the last CWC, but you have to understand: I was spending most of the spring kicking ass and taking names. I was just about finished, when I lost the list of names. So I had to start over. It took a while.

The topic this time is "Body Odors," suggested by Mumi Hemrajani, who has made some very fruitful suggestions in the past (body hair, body piercings). The clip is about 7 minutes long, so enjoy as much as you like -- the last two minutes is one long and totally true story.

I swear.

11: Quadratic Equations (4/13/07)

This was a mild kick in the teeth -- the subject (suggested by Jen Dziura of NYC) was rough, but the tapings ...

I thought I had this thing in the can twice. The first time, someone moved in front of the camera and ruined the tape. The second time, someone sat near the camera and talked, and ruined the tape. So I did something a little different this time. It's not in the true spirit of the CWC, but under the circumstances I'm OK with it. Watch the video and you'll see.

10: Pet Names (3/7/07)

I took a few months off in here to recharge the batteries, and also to clear my name of the horrible accusations that I murdered my wife. It was really not that tough, once I remembered I've never been married.

After that, I finally had the chance to tape the challenge for February, so here it is. The subject is "Pet Names," as suggested by Steven White. He is my brother, and I think he was mostly interested in the part at the end about naming your dog something unusual.

9: Cars (11/21/06)

Well, this one officially kicked my ass. It's a month late. I had jokes written within the first week, but I never got around to testing them ... I had a bunch of gigs, but none that were "new material" friendly. Eventually I started getting kicked in the teeth with some writing projects, so that slowed me down even more. Not to meniton the struggle of finding something original or fresh to say about cars or driving, some of the most heavily covered comedian topics.

But you be the judge! Thanks to Don Marcogliese of Boston for the suggestion.

8: Body Hair (9/3/06)

Because my adoring public demanded it, here's five minutes of stand-up on moustaches, beards, eyebrows, leg hair and chest hair. I know that when you hear "body hair" you're probably expecting something south of the border (*cough*) but it would be pretty hard to do something remotely original in that department. Not that anything else here is earth-shattering, but I'm still happy with it. Thanks to the excellent crowds at Helium.

You might recognize one of these jokes from "Last Comic Standing," if you saw my 2 minutes of glory.

7: Ancient Sumeria (8/8/06)

When I started with open mics, I wrote new jokes every performance for the first six months. Every word out of my mouth was untested. Practice does make perfect, but honestly, I enjoyed keeping it fresh. The Chris White Challenge was devised in part as a way to get back to those roots.

So, in the true spirit of my four-year anniversary, here's five completely raw minutes on Ancient Sumeria. No tune-up shows, no rewrites ... just jokes being thrown at a wall to see what sticks.

The subject was suggested by my brother Dave, in the spirit of being a royal pain in the ass and fishing for a nasty topic. Not since "Eating Babies" has the Challenge seen such villany. But his birthday is coming up, so he gets what he wants, i.e. five minutes of jokes about cuneiform, Gilgamesh, ziggurats and the Fertile Crescent. Enjoy, kind sir. The performance was August 7, at the open mic at Soho Tea and Coffee in DC.

6: Carpentry (7/25/06)

After the epic struggle of "Camping," I decided to crank out Challenge #6 in a hurry. The topic was "carpentry," as suggested by Kara McNulty of Cherry Hill, NJ. The performances are at Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle in Royal Oak, Michigan, and they took place on July 21-22.

This was kind of amusing to work on. I have no practical skills whatsoever, so I had to think outside of the handmade wooden box on a few occasions. As with most of these challenges, there are a few keepers in here, and a few things that will sit in the notebook forever until I figure them out ...

5: Camping (7/13/06)

We're finally through with the latest Chris White challenge! This one was a bit of a struggle, logistically. I had material ready to go, but I basically took a week off from comedy to go to a wedding and visit family. I taped a show Tuesday at Nanny O'Briens, but due to sound issues the tape was unusable, so I decided to warm up the crowd at Comedy Kumite IX with some camping jokes. Unfortunately, it's a HUGE showroom, and I didn't want to sit my camera all the way at the back, so it was actually BEHIND me, and the mic is too far away from the audience to get a solid pickup. I thought about waiting another week, but you know what? That's not in the spirit of the Chris White challenge. You can hear the jokes, so judge for yourself.

A few keepers in here ... thanks to Amy Sullivan for the fine suggestion.

4: Going to the Zoo (6/19/06)

Because I am a man of my word, and a man of ample free time, here is the video for the fourth Chris White Challenge. The subject is "Going to the Zoo," and it was offered by Bethany Medeiros of Boston, Mass. Performances were 6/17 at the Hyatt in Bethesda, Md., and 6/18 at Staccato Lounge in Adams Morgan, DC. Crowd was about 70 people on Saturday and 25 people on Sunday.

This challenge was (cough cough) a beast. There's a lot of stuff you can write about zoos, whether it's personal stories about going with friends, or the amazing things the animals can do, or those damn hateful pandas. I got the chance to try these jokes out a few times before taping, and the results were all over the map. From joke to joke, each audience seemed to have its own agenda. I guess that's why it's called a challenge, huh?

Anyhow, there are a few keepers in here, plus I have a list of things I wanted to try out but couldn't get to. No matter what you think, you can't deny it's four minutes of standup. Enjoy!

3: Body Piercing (6/2/06)

Brothers and sisters, the pride is back: behold the results of Chris White Challenge #3. The subject is "body piercing," as suggested by Mumi Hemrajani of Washington, DC. The performance was on June 1, 2006, at the fabulous Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia. If you're within a 500,000 mile radius, check out that club. It's snazzy.

This challenge has the honor of being the most watched on YouTube, and it also has generated a very high percentage of really good jokes for my regular act.

2: Eating Babies (5/22/06)

It came a day or two after my self-imposed deadline, but here's four minutes of material about EATING BABIES. The whole video is five minutes long; however, the first minute is an old joke that I just used to get into the subject. Love it or hate it, you can't deny that it's four original minutes of stand-up.

This video was recorded on May 21 at The Comedy Spot in front of an audience of ... five people. Specifically, the students from the stand-up comedy class I've been teaching. Thanks to Joey, Jake, Cory, Pam and Jonathan for indulging me ... and by the way, if you'd like to see them perform, stop on by the Spot on June 4 (Sunday) at 8 p.m. They'll all be on the bill for our class graduation show, and it should be a VERY good time.

Because I was a day or two late on this, Chris Brucia can have a free CD if he wants it. I'm guessing he's put up with enough of my crap over the years to want 45 minutes of it sent to his mailbox.

1: Boy Scouts (5/6/06)

The first ever Chris White Challenge is in the books. It came from Don Marcogliese of Boston, and his chosen subject was .... BOY SCOUTS. Dramatic, huh?

The video clip below was recorded in Indianapolis on May 4, 2006; whether it's good or bad is up to you, but it's definitely four minutes of stand-up about the Boy Scouts.

Why Chris Sucks: Chris drives a Volkswagen Jetta. Volkswagen used to make tanks for Hitler. Therefore, Chris supports the Nazis.

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