Dead Presidents

Chris White is touring the gravesites, birthplaces and homes of the U.S. presidents. Here are his notes from those visits, which he probably means to be funny. Eh.

12. Zachary Taylor

Birthplace (maybe), near Barboursville, Virginia

Zachary Taylor was a war hero and president. But first and foremost, he was a Virginian, and so he gets that state's highest honor:

It's a highway road sign! And it marks the spot where Taylor was born. Maybe. Apparently the exact location of his birth is in dispute. We've all had that famous Virginia drinking debate, "Where was Zachary Taylor REALLY born?" It usually ends in violence, and so the state opted to end the bloodshed by putting a very definitive metal sign on a shoulderless road next to a private driveway. It was probably in response to a bribe, so that all that Zachary Taylor birthplace tourism money would get funneled to the Highway 33 corridor. You can't actually visit any house or tour any grounds, and there's not really a parking spot where you could safely pull over to take a picture. And I didn't see any construction site for the theme park, but I have to think it's at least in the planning stages.

Having acquired the stink of Virginia respectability, Taylor was moved as baby to Kentucky, where he grew up in that state's backwards plantation culture. But he shall never be remembered among the awful pantheon of presidents from Kentucky. Nay, he stands proudly at the side of John Tyler, and William Henry Harrison: A VIRGINIAN!

Coincidentally, there isn't a public Zachary Taylor home that you can visit, anywhere. He's buried in Louisville, but if you want to get technical, he spent at least part of his afterlife in the District of Columbia. In ye olde days, prominent people who kicked it in the District were stashed in the "public vault" at Congressional Cemetery, just down the street from Chris White World Headquarters, until their remains could be removed to their final resting place. So Taylor, William Henry Harrison and John Quincy Adams (and Dolley Madison!) all were tenants in this fine structure:

Swank, huh?

Legal Stuff: If you have questions about this Web site, why? You should spend your time questioning the moral nature of any god who would let Chris White exist. But anyhow ... copyright 2008, Chris White Sucks Inc.