Dead Presidents
Chris White is touring the gravesites, birthplaces and homes of the U.S. presidents. Here are his notes from those visits, which he probably means to be funny. Eh.
22. Grover Cleveland (2)
Birthplace, Caldwell, New Jersey; Princeton Cemetery, Princeton, New Jersey
Bruce Dickinson is Running Out of Ideas
(March 20, 2007)
"Grover Cleveland," by Iron Maiden
The ship of democracy,
which has weathered all storms,
may sink through the mutiny of those on board.
(grover cleveland – 19th century a.d.)
Near New York City
From a world devoid of pity
In a land called Caldwell, New Jersey
Was born a son
To a minister presbyteri-an
And his name was Stephen
At the age of four
His clan did move up north
As a young man he dabbled in politics
By the Lake Erie
In 1881 A.D.
He utterly became the mayor of Buffalo
Grover Cleveland
His name gave strength to countrymen
Grover Cleveland
Born a simple New Jerseyan
Through great acclaim
Of the goodness of his name
He soon became the statewide governor
Across the barren wastes
He brought his armies to face
The opponents of civil service reform
In ‘84, he was almost undone
By tales of a bastard son
But no bastard could destroy the conqueror
Stephen inflicted pain
On James G. Blaine of Maine
And so became the 22nd president
Grover Cleveland
He liked to fish and drink much beer
Grover Cleveland
His name makes angels shake with fear
The vorpal veto pen
Flashed time and time again
And so was slain much questionable legislation
But Harrison, a fork-tongued foe
A Republican sustained by tariff woes
Took by force the White House from him, despite losing the popular vote
With vengeance in his heart
Cleveland offered retort
In 1892 he hoped to vanquish Harrison
The blood-drenched media campaign
Traded on his family name
Including his daughter Baby Ruth, which many people believe is the origin of the name of the popular candy bar
Grover Cleveland
His nephews called him “Uncle Jumbo”
Grover Cleveland
He thought women’s suffrage was dumbo
[14 minute guitar solo]
Maching on marching on
[23 minute guitar solo, Eddie appears on a cross of silver]
The hoary beast of economic depression attacked
The golden standard was splashed with grime
And so, though restored to the Potomac throne
Nothing much happened in his second term
But even so, he was president twice
Not to mention that at the age of 49
He married a 21-year-old
So you have to respect that, am I right fellas?
Grover Cleveland
He was never a big fan of the media
Grover Cleveland
He died of a heart attack in Princeton, New Jersey
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