Dead Presidents

Chris White is touring the gravesites, birthplaces and homes of the U.S. presidents. Here are his notes from those visits, which he probably means to be funny. Eh.

28. T. Woodrow Wilson

Birthplace, Staunton, Virginia; Woodrow Wilson House and National Cathedral, Washington, DC

Birthplace (January 26, 2007)

In the history of two-term American presidents who embarked on bold and difficult programs of international democratization only to get stinging rebukes from a narrow-minded Congress, and also dressed like The Penguin, Woodrow Wilson is undeniably the first!

You can learn all about it at the Woodrow Wilson Presidential Library in Staunton, Va., which is Wilson's birthplace and home through the ripe old age of one. It's somewhere between a full-fledged historical site and "George Washington Slept Here"; think "Woodrow Wilson Puked Up Baby Carrots Here."

Son of Presbyterian minister, he grew up in the post-Civil War South, went to Princeton, got a law degree from U.Va., and a doctorate in polysci from The Johns Hopkins. He taught a bunch, wrote books, and became president of Princeton; ran for governor of New Jersey and two years after winning that was nominated for the Presidency. He beat a sitting president (Taft) and a former president (Roosevelt) in 1912 with only 42 percent of the popular vote, got re-elected in 1916, put U.S. troops in Europe to end World War I, tried to reorganize world order (14 Points) and basically killed himself through the intense effort to get the U.S. to join the League of Nations. (He had a huge stroke and actually kept it hidden from the public by going dark for about four months. Imagine trying that in the TV age.)

We like to think that 9/11 kicked off some of the most drastic changes in world history, but imagine what people went through during the Wilson era (1913-21): Women's suffrage. Prohibition. Military draft. World War I crushed Europe and the United States became the most powerful country in the world. The Bolsheviks took over Russia. The 8-hour work day. End to child labor. Automobiles started to become widespread. Spanish Flu. NUTS.

Thumbs up for the museum. They have some very cool relics (like his car) and some informative displays. The site also include "The Manse," where the Wilson family lived. Funny moment: the excellent tour guide points to the bed in the parents' room (the original, not a replica) and says "This is where it all began." She meant birth; I was thinking conception. When I asked she laughed and said "probably both." Kudos to you, lady. You're a pro.

But on to what you're paying for ... FUN WILSON FACTS!

  • Shares a birthday (Dec. 28) with notable American Chris White.
  • Born Thomas Woodrow Wilson. He went by "Tommy" until finally deciding as a young man to drop his first name altogther, because "Woodrow" is far better for meeting chicks.
  • Was probably dyslexic and couldn't read until age 12, but went on to write several hugely popular textbooks, including "A Ihstoyr Fo Ongcress."
     
  • As a youth was in love with his first cousin Hattie; his family rented slaves and he was a racist in favor of segregation. And he was STILL president. Dare to dream, toothless inbred hill kids!
  • The only president to have an earned doctorate, which is why he insisted on being called DOCTOR President.
  • Loved cars but never learned to drive. To honor Princeton, his Pierce-Arrow had an orange racing stripe, and also was kind of a prick.
  • Though he passed the bar, he did not enjoy the practice of law, as it was nothing at all like "Ally McBeal."
  • One of his 1912 campaign songs was "Sit Down and Rock It Out With Me," which was far more popular than Taft's "Let's Have Four Hot Sandwiches With Extra Mayo and Discuss Policy, Shall We?"
  • Canceled his inaugural ball in 1912 because he didn't want to waste government money, thereby opening himself to four years of "Wilson has no balls" jokes.
  • Resisted women's suffrage. BUT NOT HARD ENOUGH.
  • During World War I, to emphasize national sacrifice, Wilson bought sheep to graze the White House lawn, replacing the standard lawnmowers powered by the souls of orphans.
  • An avid Washington Senators fan, as they were the one group of senators that didn't drive him to a crippling stroke.
  • His Fifteen Points plan for world peace was cut to Fourteen Points when "International Sloppy Joe Tuesdays" didn't focus group well.
  • The first ever remote radio broadcast was live from his S St. home in DC, and was mostly battle rapping.
  • Regularly visited Keith's Vaudeville Theater in D.C. "I like the theater ... especially a good vaudeville show when I am seeking perfect relaxation; for a good vaudeville show is different from a play ... if there is a bad act at a vaudeville show you can rest reasonably secure that the next one will not be so bad; but from a bad play there is no escape." Heh.
  • Though the Senate rejected U.S. entry to the League of Nations, Wilson won the Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts, and the organization prevented world war for an astonishing 20 years.
  • The only president buried in Washington, D.C., unless you count that one time Gerald Ford fell down a well.

Update: Here Lies Mr. Wilson (1/3/08)

As part of my birthday celebration last week, I stopped by the National Cathedral to pay my respects to everyone's favorite sexist, foot-dragging, doctorate-degree having, stroke-suffering president, T. Woodrow Wilson (also born Dec. 28).

It's probably the closest you can get to a dead president without the use of a crowbar. He's in a floor-level sarcophagus on the south side of the room, and you can walk right up to it. I'm guessing you could climb on the lid, start pounding it with your fists and scream "Why did you leave me" for a good 30 seconds before security could respond.

There are a few quotes on the walls and the seal of the president in the floor. But for a guy who led us through World War I and positioned the United States as the number one power broker of the 20th century, it's remarkably understated. The whole thing seems like an afterthought in the context of the Cathedral itself.

But if you think Wilson has it bad, his wife Edith, who may have been effectively running the country after Wilson stroked out, is also in the cathedral ... in the vault underneath the floor where Wislon sits. So you're walking over top of her the whole time you're looking at him.

Huh.

Update: Wilson House (10/30/08)

Woodrow Wilson didn't exactly gallop across the finish line of his presidency, what with being half paralyzed and not tremendously popular even in his own party. So instead of heading back to the healing waters of New Jersey, he set up shop in Washington, D.C., in spitting distance of the White House. What better tonic than to live in the shadow of your failures!

Woodrow lived on S St. NW from 1921 to his death in 1924 (he died in the house) and his widow was there through something like 1960. He didn't have money when he left the government, so he had to use his stipend from the Nobel Peace Prize, plus cash gifts from buddies, to afford the place, which was selected in part for its accessibility -- it had an elevator and enough wide, spacious areas for the good doctor to get around with the aid of his manservant. Oh, and it had enough rooms for him to have a manservant.

I got a partial (but free!) tour, highlighting all the social areas -- the Wilsons entertained all sorts of bigwigs, but since it was so tough for Wilson to get into formal wear, a lot of the time he'd take a powder and chill out in his library while his wife saw to the guests. They had a parlor decorated with White House swag, a nice-sized dining room and a sweet back yard, but the highlight has to be the library. Wilson spent most of his time there, shuffling back and forth from chair to bookshelf. It's a neat, stately room, with an interesting flourish: a roll-up movie screen mounted to the top of the bookshelf, and the movie projector to go with it. For 1921, that was one hell of a home entertainment system.

The garage also has a treat (at least through the end of the year), in the form of Wilson's Rolls Royce Silver Ghost Touring Car; he couldn't drive it, but apparently he enjoyed being chauffered up and down S St. It has orange highlights to honor his Princeton ties, and his initials, plus a swank hood ornament. Six miles to the gallon, baby.

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