Why We Fight

... there lurks in this universe the potential for great evil. If not for the eternal vigilance of the few, that potential would be realized, bringing untold despair to millions.

We stand now at a crossroads in history. A great terror rises in the West, and brave volunteers are needed to beat back the advance of the greatest threat to freedom and happiness this generation will ever know.

That threat is comedian Chris White, who beyond the shadow of a doubt sucks.

Chris White thinks he's all that, what with his jokes and his easygoing yet affably offbeat manner, but we are here to put out the truth: he sucks.

You may think he's the kind of guy who, if you went to every one of his shows and ran a Web site dedicated to him and his work, would gladly thank you, and be your friend and help you meet girls and build Gundam models in your basement.

Well, he's actually the kind of guy who uses the court system to handle his "grievances." In other words, he sucks. Case in point:

  • "Woof, Chris White sucks. I saw him six nights in a row, and not once did he use any props. And where were the funny t-shirts?"
  • "That jerk poked fun at stupid attitudes. I have lots of stupid attitudes. How is that supposed to make me feel?"
  • "Yeah, he's good looking, and his jokes are clever, well written and pleasantly delivered. I'd pay money just to see him eat breakfast. But did you see his sneakers? Lay in a course for sucksville, Suck Factor 10, engage."

Are those actual quotes? No. But computer modeling tells us that they could conceivably be said at some point by someone, and that someone clearly shares our inescapable conclusion: CHRIS WHITE SUCKS.

Read every bit of information on this Web site and you'll see why.

Why Chris Sucks: Chris thinks he is all that, but we have blood tests that prove, in fact, he is not.

Legal Stuff: If you have questions about this Web site, why? You should spend your time questioning the moral nature of any god who would let Chris White exist. But anyhow ... copyright 2009, Chris White Sucks Inc.