Chris White Sucks: Awesome Free Stuff

Until I figure out this "capitalism" thing, I'm providing the following MP3s and videos totally free of charge. And as long as you're enjoying things that are free, you cheap bastard, you can check out Treasure Island and my podcast.

Stand-Up MP3s

Baseball Fever. Little League and foul balls, performed at the DC Improv. This clip is recorded, mixed and mastered by Joel Haas. (3:30)
Body Piercing. Stand-up on hot dogs, piercings and tattoos, performed at the DC Improv. This clip is recorded, mixed and mastered by Joel Haas. (3:00).

Stand-Up Videos

January 2009. DC Improv. (4:32)
February 2008. DC Improv. (6:15)
April 2008. Quadratic equations / Quiz bowl. DC Improv. (9:58)
September 2006. Greatest hits. Go Bananas. (10:00)

Fun Science Facts (MP3s)

For a brief time I was the host of a children's radio program. Not sure why I was fired.

Fun Science Facts: Animals. From the stupid dolphin to the mighty unicorn. (9:00)
Fun Science Facts: Space. From planets to aliens to spacewalks. (6:30)
Fun Science Facts: Time The secrets of the universe ... laid bare for children! (5:30)
Fun Science Facts: Electricity. The juice that makes our world go is explained. (6:45)

Audio Sketches

The Gift of the Magi. Two brothers learn the true meaning of giving. (3:26)
Star of the Game. An interview with the star of today's minor-league action! (5:40)
Favorite Island. Chris White and Jared Stern get away. (4:30)
Werner Herzog makes a wedding toast. Self-explanatory. (5:00)
Into the Woods. A journey into the forest takes a magical and somewhat pathetic turn. (5:00)
Head and Shoulders. The angel and devil duke it out. (4:00)
The Princess and the Pea. Chock full of the morals our children need. (5:00)
Job Interview Tips. Simple advice for those looking to land the job of their dreams. (4:00)
The Music Lesson. Trombone technique and the devil. (8:00)
A Few Words. Unsolicited, uncompensated remarks about some fine products. (4:00)
Love's Labors Listed. Romantic advice for Craig's list. (4:00)
Office Companion for Women. An exciting new product! (4:45)

Video Sketches

Hardboiled. One week after Easter, even good eggs go bad.
International Guilt-Off. Catholic vs. Jew.
Hawaiian Spelling Bee. Taped directly from the Hawaiian Sports Network.
Atlantic City! Getting there is none of the fun!
The Best Medicine. Sometimes wishes do come true.
Spitting Image. When you don't like what you see in the mirror.
Apocalypse Soon. If God calls on you, will you answer?
Home School Class Reunion. What it sounds like.
Never Can Say Goodbye. Suicide isn't always the easy way out.

Modest Proposals (MP3s)

Simple solutions for complicated problems.

Modest Proposal: Wages. Attempts to raise the minimum wage are an insult. (4:45)
Modest Proposal: North Korea. Simple suggestions for world peace and an end to North Korea's nuclear threat. (4:00)
Modest Proposal: Oil. Gas prices are through the roof, so we need forward-thinking geniuses to find some solutions. (4:00)
Modest Proposal: Border Security. For people who really need to hear more urgent fake anger in a man's voice. (4:30)