Comedy MP3s

In late 2005, Chris White embarked upon a hideous new endeavor. As if simply sucking at stand-up weren't enough, he decided to try sucking through the Internet as well.

We've wrestled mightily over whether to provide these clips to the general public. Ultimately we have decided that the world MUST KNOW about these atrocities. If these awful, awful A/V clips can't convince the world that Chris White sucks, then almost nothing will.

Podcasts

In spring 2008, Chris started working on a podcast in conjunction with the DC Improv. It features interviews with some of the top headliners in the country and runs about 20 minutes long. You can download the files directly, or you can subscribe to the RSS feed.

Chris is also including these DC Improv interviews in his own podcast, along with other comedy MP3s that he's working on -- if you'd like to get the interviews PLUS the extra stuff, you can visit Chris' podcast page or use iTunes to subscribe to the RSS feed.

Eastern Market Walking Tour

A tour of my neighborhood (uploaded September 2007)
This is a tour of Washington DC's Eastern Market neighborhood; it combines history with some humor. It's a two-mile trip with six major stops, covering parts of D.C.'s history and culture from the founding of the city all the way to the present day. The whole thing should take about an hour or less, depending on how much meandering the listener wants to do. All you need is a an iPod or other MP3 player, and you start at the top of the Eastern Market Metro station (blue/orange lines, between 7th and 8th Streets on Pennsylvania Ave. SE). If you happen to try this out, please let me know what you think, good or bad. The 11 MP3s that make up the tour saved in one zipped file. You can download it through this link. A map of the route can be found right here.

Fun Science Facts

Fun Science Facts -- Animals
In this new radio show, Chris answers kids' questions about science in a "fun" way. Episode One features four questions about animals, from the stupid dolphin to the mighty unicorn. The clip is in MP3 format, runs about 9 minutes and is 8.5 MB. Fun Science Facts 1

Fun Science Facts -- Space
In installment two of this internationally popular program, Chris tackles kids' questions on space, from planets to aliens to spacewalks. 6 minutes 30 seconds, MP3 format, 6.3 MB. Posted March 16, 2006. Fun Science Facts 2

Fun Science Facts -- Time
The secrets of the universe ... laid bare for children! The clip is in MP3 format and runs 5 minutes 30 seconds. Posted January 2, 2007. Fun Science Facts 3

Modest Proposals

Modest Proposal: Wages
Attempts to raise the minimum wage are an insult. AN INSULT! 4 minutes, 45 seconds MP3 format, 4.6 MB. Posted January 12, 2007. Modest Proposal: Wages

Modest Proposal: North Korea
An audio version of the video clip. Simple suggestions for world peace and an end to North Korea's nuclear threat. 4 minutes, MP3 format, 4 MB. Posted October 5, 2006. Modest Proposal: North Korea

Modest Proposal: Oil
Gas prices are through the roof, so we need forward-thinking geniuses to find some solutions. VERY forward thinking, in this case. 4 minutes, MP3 format, 3.7 MB. Posted May 9, 2006. A Modest Proposal: Oil

Modest Proposal: Border Security
This is a slightly expanded MP3 version of the video clip of same name. For people who really need to hear more urgent fake anger in a man's voice. 4 minutes 30 seconds, MP3 format, 4.3 MB. Posted April 4, 2006. A Modest Proposal: Border Security

Jazz Stories on Seattle's KPLU

KPLU Jazz Stories
Seattle's NPR affiliate and jazz station, KPLU, will be featuring several 30-second Jazz Stories starting in late spring 2008. They have 12 different stories for their rotation -- you can hear them (and six bonus tracks) at this web page. Posted May 17, 2008. Each 30-second story is about 500K. And be sure to listen to KPLU's great jazz programming or their 24-hour streaming online jazz channel, Jazz 24.

Jazz Stories

Jazz Stories: Drumstick Jones
Step into the world of America's greatest artform, jazz. This new series provides exciting stories from the musicians themselves, as they speak about their art, and also getting high. This first episode profiles legendary trumpet player Drumstick Jones. 6 minutes, MP3 format, 5.6 MB. Posted January 7, 2006. Jazz Stories: Drumstick Jones

Jazz Stories: Mamie Dupree
Step into the world of America's greatest artform, jazz. Vocalist Mamie Dupree talks about the joy music has brought to her life. 6 minutes 40 seconds, MP3 format, 6.5 MB. Posted August 3, 2006. Jazz Stories: Mamie Dupree

Jazz Stories: Six Lips Walker
Step into the world of America's greatest artform, jazz. The be-bop trumpet player tells the story behind his nickname. 4 minutes, MP3 format, 3.9 MB. Posted February 14, 2008. Jazz Stories: Six Lips Walker

Jazz Stories: Sammy Stanwick
Step into the world of America's greatest artform, jazz. The cool jazz saxaphonist discusses his musical education. 4 minutes 30 seconds, MP3 format, 4.2 MB. Posted February 14, 2008. Jazz Stories: Sammy Stanwick

Stand-Up

Baseball Fever
Stand-up on Little League and foul balls, performed at the DC Improv on June 25, 2006. This clip is recorded, mixed and mastered by Joel Haas (radiocomic@hotmail.com). 3 minutes 30 seconds, MP3 format, 3.4 MB. Posted July 25, 2006. Baseball Fever

Body Piercing
Stand-up on hot dogs, piercings and tattoos, performed at the DC Improv on June 25, 2006. This clip is recorded, mixed and mastered by Joel Haas (radiocomic@hotmail.com). 3 minutes, MP3 format, 3 MB. Posted July 24, 2006. Body Piercing

Audio Sketches

Office Companion for Women
This is an exciting new product offered as part of the Chris White line ... there's ALWAYS someone ready to listen to your problems! 4 minutes 45 seconds, MP3 format, 4.5 MB. Posted October 6, 2006. Office Companion

Star of the Game
Post-game scores and highlights, plus an interview with the star of today's minor-league action: rookie shortstop Manny Lewis! 5 minutes 40 seconds, MP3 format, 5.4 MB. Posted September 27, 2006. Star of the Game

Job Interview Tips
Simple, effective advice for those looking to land the job of their dreams. 4 minutes, MP3 format, 4 MB. Posted July 11, 2006. Job Interview Tips

Head and Shoulders
Sooner or later, we all must look within and decide if we want the last donut. It's not usually THIS complicated, though. With SUPER STEREO EFFECTS! 4 minutes, MP3 format, 4 MB. Posted May 25, 2006. Head and Shoulders

A Few Words
Unsolicited, uncompensated remarks about some fine products that Chris White has enjoyed using in the past and will enjoy using in the future. Under 4 minutes, MP3 format, 3.5 MB. Posted February 22, 2006. A Few Words

Labors Listed, Vol. 1
Why rely on life experience to teach you about love, when you could just peruse the online personals at Craig's List? 4 minutes, MP3 format, 3.8 MB. Posted January 25, 2006. Love's Labors Listed, Vol. 1

The Music Lesson
Listen in as a young trombone student learns important lessons about technique, and life and love, and the forces of good and evil. 8 minutes, MP3 format, 7.5 MB. Posted January 18, 2006. The Music Lesson

The Princess and the Pea
A retelling of the classic fairytale, updated slightly for modern times and chock full of the morals our children need. Featuring Katie Richardson as the voice of the princess. 5 minutes, MP3 format, 5.3 MB. Posted January 11, 2006. The Princess and the Pea

Why Chris Sucks: It's very hard to paint a Gundam model to look like Chris, because they are very often angular, but he isn't. I mean, really.

Legal Stuff: If you have questions about this Web site, why? You should spend your time questioning the moral nature of any god who would let Chris White exist. But anyhow ... copyright 2008, Chris White Sucks Inc.