Video Projects
In early 2006 Chris White somehow scraped together enough money for a video camera and some editing software, probably by scamming orphans or mugging nuns or something like that. We've decided to post all of his video projects (with his descriptions) on this page, so you can see first-hand how much he sucks.
White History Project
 Millard Fillmore and You
He came from the highlands of central New York and brought great peace and prosperity to a nation crying out for justice ... oh, wait, he was just a guy named Millard. Our bad. Anyhow, enjoy this high school instructional video on the 13th president. 3 minutes 30 seconds. Uploaded November 21, 2007.
YouTube
 Lincoln: The Early Years
The background of our greatest president, filmed on location at his boyhood home in Hodgenville, Kentucky. 100 percent sort of accurate, meticulously researched on Wikipedia. No log cabins were harmed during the filming of this documentary. 5 minutes. Uploaded August 1, 2007.
YouTube
 William Henry Harrison
The White History Project brings you an informative look at our ninth and greatest president, from his early years fighting Indians to his later years dying quickly. 5 minutes 54 seconds, MPEG format, 33 MB. Uploaded September 19, 2006.
Watch on YouTube
Download MPEG
 Tangents: Washington Monument
From the top of the monument to the bottom ... via beer, volleyball, Olympic highjumping and more. It's a round trip through history, but without any reading. 5 minutes 30 seconds, MP4 format, 17 MB. Uploaded January 8, 2007.
Watch on YouTube
Download MP4
 Tangents: Boom-erang
Mount Saint Helens kicks off a trivia tour of two presidents, Soul Brother #1, and a few other completely explosive surprises. The biggest surprise is that this whole enterprise is highly watchable. Plus a picture of the Gap Band! 7 minutes 22 seconds. Uploaded August 22, 2007.
Watch on YouTube
Instructional Films / PSAs
 Live and Let's Diet
This is an instructional and inspirational video (inspiructional) to pick people up by their love handles. We can all lose weight, if we know the secrets of the stars.6 minutes, MPEG format, 35 MB. Posted February 10, 2006.
Watch on YouTube
Download MPEG
 Bake the Blues Away
Are you sad? Would you like to be not sad? Then get ready to BAKE THE BLUES AWAY! with this helpful guide to beating depression through the culinary arts. 6 minutes, MPEG format, 33 MB. Posted January 2, 2006.
Watch on YouTube
Dowload MPEG
 The Joy of Writing
A happy little video, in which a happy little instructor teaches you to write a happy little short story. It helps if you make the noises. This will be meaningless if you don't watch much PBS, but then again, everything is meaningless if you don't watch PBS. A little under 5 minutes. Uploaded July 27, 2007.
Watch on YouTube
 Courtesy Call
This very short message from Chris White and Jared Stern is a reminder, to be played before a comedy show, movie, or whatever, that sometimes silence is golden. Golden, with the occasional spot of blood red, and streaks of whatever color ichor happens to be. About 1 minute, Uploaded October 30, 2007.
Watch on Google Video
Commercials
 Frozen Rock Creamery
Where mix-ins are our business! After the show, why not stop by for a meal -- that's also a dessert? You start out with delicious ice cream ... and then it gets very, very interesting. Written by Chris Wright. About 2 minutes. Uploaded April 7, 2008.
Watch on YouTube
Download MPEG 2 (86 MB)
 Fizztastic Films
Have you ever seen those Coke ads made by film students that run before a lot of movies? Don't you LOVE those? I mean REALLY love them? Well Pepsi finally wised up and got in on the act. Enjoy the first ever Fizztastic Films winner, Pete Cramden. About 1 minute. Uploaded October 30, 2007.
Watch on Google Video
 Pepe Lopez
Completely unsolicited, Chris White has made an ad for his favorite brand of tequila, Pepe Lopez. It's so much more than a beverage ... it's a companion, a medicine, a powerful disinfectant and also an occasional excuse. Enjoy! About 1 minute, Uploaded October 30, 2007.
Watch on Google Video
Current Events
 The International T-Shirt Fund
We can't save the world without politcal t-shirts. But who will provide those t-shirts? The answer is you, through your generous donation. Please help. About 2 minutes and 20 seconds. Uploaded October 30, 2007.
Watch on YouTube
Watch on Google Video
 Modest Proposal: Estate Tax
If we don't repeal the estate tax ... horrible, horrible, horrible things will happen to the people we love. Don't let the government force your hand -- stand up before it's too late. Uploaded February 22, 2007. MP4 format, 15 MB.
Watch on YouTube
Download MP4
 Modest Proposal: Wages
The best way to solve our nation's poverty problem isn't a minimum wage. Behold what would be the keenest economic mind of this generation, assuming that all the other keenest minds were in some kind of plane crash. It would have to be a really, really big plane. Uploaded January 17, 2007.
Watch on YouTube
 Modest Proposal: North Korea
A simple plan for stopping North Korea's nuclear testing and creating total world peace. Amazingly, close to a year after posting this no diplomats have contacted me. 4 minutes, MPEG format, 65 MB. Uploaded October 5, 2006.
Watch on YouTube
Download MPEG
 State of the Union Responses
Official party responses to the 2007 State of the Union address, from the Communists, the Marijuana Party, the Deomcracts, the Republicans, the Larouche people ... 3 minutes. Uploaded Jan. 24, 2007.
Watch on Google Video
U.S. Marijuana Party Response (Google)
TV Shows
 Guys Watching 24
Five guys watch "24," and a commercial break comes on. This is the longest commercial break of their lives ... with Danny Rouhier, Jared Stern, Chris White and Jeff King. This is the closest I've ever come to creating an Internet sensation. 10 minutes, work friendly. Uploaded April 20, 2006.
Watch on YouTube
 Guys Watching 24 II
The guys are ramping up for the first episode of season 6 ... and a HORRIBLE BETRAYAL! Something goes terribly wrong with the TiVo, and it's not an accident. With Danny Rouhier, Jared Stern, Chris White, Chris Wright and Michael Graham. 12 minutes, work friendly. Uploaded January 22, 2007.
Watch on Google Video
Reservation for Two
A couple living in a building on top of an Indian burial ground. We'd say this was a work of genius but it sort of writes itself. Guy meets girl, guy is threatened with death by a ghost, guy tries to hit on girl ... and it all wraps up perfectly in the end. For anyone who likes sitcoms to have a body count. 11 minutes. Uploaded May 22, 2007.
Watch on Google Video
 House of Representatives
Congressmen in a group home in Washington D.C. Honestly, it's shocking that no one has done this before. Think "Golden Girls" but with more weighty policy discussions and biological agents. 6 minutes. Uploaded May 13, 2007.
Watch on Google Video
Watch on YouTube
Hardboiled
One week after Easter, even good eggs go bad. Maybe the greatest attempt ever at serious detective fiction to exclusively star produce, "Hardboiled" is a gripping and tense film noir. Just with eggs, is all. 4 minutes. Uploaded April 15, 2007.
Watch on Google video
Watch on YouTube
Sketches
 Imaginary Friends
You can go anywhere you want to go, thanks to the power of music and a little bit of imagination! Just be careful who's driving. With Jared Stern and a piano. Soundtrack available in lobby. A little under 5 minutes. Uploaded June 10, 2008.
Watch on YouTube
Download a WMV file (46 MB)
 Atlantic City
Getting there is none of the fun! With Chris Wright, Allyson Jaffe and a Volkswagen Jetta, Leroy. No cars were harmed in the making of this video, aside from some minor scuffing of the door paint. A little over 4 minutes. Uploaded March 11, 2008.
Watch on Google Video
Watch on YouTube
 Game On
Sometimes, you have to take a long hard look at yourself, and GET OUT OF THAT RUT! This video features Jared Stern and some very inspiring MIDI music. REALLY inspiring. You're probably going to punch someone when you hear it. A little over 3 minutes. Uploaded October 15, 2007.
Watch on YouTube
 Trick or Treat
Candy is the reason for the season. This is a simple video, featuring Jared Stern, Chris White and Jared Stern. The hard part was cloning Jared Stern. It may have been unethical but we think you'll like the results. 3 minutes. Uploaded October 12, 2007.
Watch on YouTube
Watch on Google Video
 Good Directions
GPS systems give great directions. You just have to want to hear them. With Allyson Jaffe, Chris White and a terrible secret. Mildly predictable but still cute. A little under 3 minutes. Uploaded June 13, 2007.
Watch on Google Video
Watch on YouTube
 The Best Medicine
This movie has Jared Stern, and also magic. Actual, honest to goodness magic, with genies and wishes and spells and everything. That's why the budget was $7.2 million, so would you please get off my back, Internal Revenue Service? A little over 3 minutes. Uploaded May 31, 2007.
Watch on YouTube
 Spitting Image
Mirror, mirror on the wall ... what the hell is going on? We think you'll enjoy the high-budget effects in this one. Some day I'll run out of fun things to do with a green screen, but not yet. 3 minutes. Uploaded May 30, 2007.
Watch on Google Video
Watch on YouTube
 Spoiler Alert
Maybe the best video you'll ever see about a man attempting to watch television who is visited by the time-traveling ghost of his future self trapped in the past. In fact, we're willing to put money on that. 4 minutes, 21 MB. Uploaded April 4, 2007.
Watch on YouTube
Download MP4
 Apocalypse Soon
When God calls on you, will you answer? Or will you screen? Dave White and Chris White struggle with the big questions; filmed on location in Pittsburgh, Pa. 4 minutes 20 seconds, MPEG format, 45 MB. Uploaded August 23, 2006.
Watch on YouTube
Download MPEG
 Schwinn You're Smiling
My exercise bike rolls over to 10,000 miles ... and the magic happens. There's a lot of magic in these videos, you may have noticed.With Jared Stern. 6 minutes. MPEG format, 38 MB. Uploaded December 14, 2006.
Watch on YouTube
Download MPEG
 Home School Reunion
The first video I ever recorded for this site -- it's my speech at my 10-year high school reunion. Watching this again, I think the whole evening went very smoothly, all things considered. You should have seen the 5-year reunion. Now THAT was awkward. 4 minutes. Uploaded March 27, 2006.
Watch on YouTube
 Never Can Say Goodbye
We'd hate to see you go, but we'd love to see you try to leave. A man's desperate farewell goes less than well. With Jared Stern. 4 minutes 50 seconds. MPEG format, 28.4 MB. Uploaded October 19, 2006.
Watch on YouTube
Download MPEG
Why Chris Sucks: Jeanette, the office manager at Chris White Sucks Inc., recently had a baby girl, which she named Christina. She was immediately fired for the name similarity.
|
June 2008: The Podcast begins. 
June 2008: Imaginary Friends.