Give 'Till It Hurts

December 18, 2007

Over the weekend was the big family Xmas party. The rules for adults: Nothing over $50, all gifts are wrapped. Everyone puts their name in a hat. The first name drawn opens a gift and picks the next name. The next name gets the option of stealing a previously opened gift or taking a new one from the pile. If someone has a gift stolen, they then must choose an unopened gift. Every time someone unwraps a new gift, they choose the next name.

It makes for a fun hour of gift-opening, provided 80 percent of the gifts aren't some combination of scratch-off lotto tickets and a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream. But it's not the only way to spice up your holiday party!

Santa Scramble: All participants are randomly assigned a gift value ranging from $10 to $1,000. At the start of the party, all presents are placed, unwrapped, in the center of a large room with no furniture, but various yard tools and blunt objects lining the walls. At any point during the party, the host sounds an air-horn, signaling the start of a 5 minute period in which all partygoers must attempt to grab a gift or gifts. At the end of the 5 minutes, the air-horn sounds again, and any presents in the possession of a partygoer at that time belong to the partygoer.

Snowman Soiree: Only couples with deeply troubled relationships are invited to the party. Gifts are $50-$100, one gift per couple, and all gifts are wrapped. All women put their names in a hat. When a name is drawn, the woman selects and unwraps a gift; their man then must choose to either give the gift to another woman or immediately smash it with a 10-pound double-faced sledge hammer.

Naughty Elf Exchange: Most partygoers are told that a "Secret Santa" setup is in effect with a $40-$60 range, but every man shopping for a woman is told that there is an "erotic" theme to the exchange and a $5-$15 range. No one else is informed of this arrangement.

Jingle Bell Rock: The host purchases a number of luxury items, minimum cost $500 each. Each guest is presented with a gift, and if they choose to accept the risk, a coin is flipped. Heads, they get the gift; tails, the host keeps the gift, and then is allowed to kick the guest in the genitals.

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One man's quest to be the humblest person alive
Copyright 2013, Chris White